


Wrong Numbers and Useless Gays

by Emyvio



Series: Useless Gays [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Actor Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Baker Morality | Patton Sanders, Blood, Child Neglect, Crying, Depersonalization, Drug Use, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Sex, Librarian Logic | Logan Sanders, M/M, Multi, Musician Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Secret Identity, Self-Harm, Sugar Daddy Virgil, Swearing, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Trans Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wrong number, no beta we die like men, not as bad as it sounds, past depression/suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 36,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24493645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emyvio/pseuds/Emyvio
Summary: When Virgil Storm texted his best friend, he didn't expect a stranger to answer. Much less a stranger like Roman Prince. However, him and his friends, Logan Croft and Patton Morale, are worth it. Now he just has to keep them from figuring out that he's famous singer/songwriter Anxiety.AKA Wrong Number AU with Secret Singer!Virgil
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Useless Gays [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781953
Comments: 1307
Kudos: 789





	1. Sorry, wrong number

_ V- (7:25 PM) Where the hell are you?!? _

Virgil sighed, checking his phone for what felt like the umpteenth time. Still no answer. What was he thinking, trusting Janus to pick him up on time. He was supposed to be here almost half an hour ago, dammit! Virgil checked his face in the mirror again, triple-checking that he hadn't smudged his makeup.

_ Bzzz _

Virgil lunged for his phone, hitting his foot on the coffee table in the process. He swore before checking his text.  _ He better have a damn good excuse… _

_?- (7:28 PM) … in my bedroom? _

Virgil nearly screamed in frustration. Janus was a compulsive liar, and although Virgil could deal with it on most days, today it just pissed him off. Janus knew how important this party was! Virgil quickly typed out a response.

_ V- (7:29 PM) I can't deal with your shit today, J. Where the hell are you? You were supposed to be here 30 minutes ago! The party starts in 15! _

_?- (7:29 PM) Ah, I understand now! You seem to have the wrong number. But fear not, for I, Roman Prince, will help in any way that I can! _

Virgil could feel himself flush in embarrassment. He was so stupid. How did he get the number wrong? He just yelled at a stranger! And said stranger offered to help, even after Virgil was such an asshole! He quickly shook his head, turning back to the conversation at hand.

_ V- (7:30 PM) I'm so sorry. My friend was supposed to pick me up for a party, but he hasn't shown up. There's not really much that you can do in that area, Princey. _

_ R- (7:31 PM) It's quite alright. I was pretty bored before you decided to text me. While I am unable to assist you physically, perhaps you would appreciate an ear to listen? I know from experience that a good listener can really help in times of need. _

Virgil bit his lip, contemplating the offer. It couldn't hurt to vent a little, could it? It's not like this Roman guy knows who he is. He just has to tweak a few details, and he should be fine.

_ V-(7:33 PM) I'm just really nervous about this party. I don't know most of the people attending, and I don't wanna make a bad first impression. What if they see that I'm late and decide that I'm too lazy or rude to be friends with? What if I could meet my soulmate at this party, but I'm too late to see him? What if J just decided that I'm too much of a burden to handle and left without me? I don't know what to do and I can't think or breathe or fghbnm _

Virgil didn't even realize that he had hit send. He dropped his phone as he sunk to his knees, hands immediately going to cover his head.  _ I’m gonna screw it up and they’ll hate me and I can’t do this I can't breathe I cant breathe I can't breathe- _

_ Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz _

Virgil's eyes snapped to his phone. It was still unlocked, Roman's texts on display.

_ R-(7:34 PM) Whoa there, Panic at the Everywhere. None of that will happen. Calm down. Take deep breaths. Everything will be just fine. _

_ R-(7:34 PM) You are breathing, right? Please tell me you're breathing _

_ R-(7:35 PM) My friend said to try a 4-7-8 breathing exercise. Breath in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. You think you can try that for me? Please respond soon _

Virgil quickly gulped in some air, trying to follow the pattern. It took several tries before he was able to breathe properly, and several more before he was able to pick up his phone again. His hands were shaky as he typed out a quick response.

_ V-(7:38 PM) Sorry. Anxiety attack. Thanks for help. _

_ R-(7:38 PM) No problem, storm cloud! Happy to help! Why don't you try and contact that friend of yours again? I'm sure he's just running a little late, that's all. _

_ V-(7:38 PM) K. _

Virgil let out a shaky breath, making sure that he had the number right before pressing the call button. It picked up on the second ring.

_ "Hello?" _

Virgil nearly cried in relief. "Janus? Thank god. Where the hell are you?!?"

_ "I'm pulling into your driveway now. Remus thought it would be fun to eat an entire stick of deodorant."  _ There was a pause.  _ "Virgil, did you think that I forgot about you?" _

Virgil scoffed, slowly getting up. Everything was shaking, but he somehow managed to keep his voice casual. "Nah, I was just wondering when the hell you'd show up. I'm on my way out now."

If Janus or Remus noticed the tension draining from his shoulders at the sight of them, or the shiny glint in his eyes, they didn't say anything. Remus immediately started relaying his story of how he almost poisoned himself with a stick of deodorant. Virgil sighed, his fingers anxiously tapping away on his knee. He'd severely downplayed the importance of this party to Roman. While it was possible that he could make friends at this party, that wasn't the purpose tonight. No, tonight was for Virgil to find potential sponsors and, hopefully, producers.

They arrived at the house (and wasn't that an understatement. The thing was more like a  _ mansion _ ) 10 minutes late. Or as Janus liked to call it, "fashionably late." Virgil sighed one last time, his anxiousness slipping away and a cool mask of indifference replacing it. Anxiety, singer and songwriter for  _ The Dark Sides,  _ smirked.

_ Let's get this show on the road. _


	2. Breakfast and Disney

Virgil woke up to a splitting headache. He immediately screwed his eyes shut, hands going to grip his hair. The lights were too bright, his throat was too dry, and he’s pretty sure there’s someone sleeping next to him. _What the hell happened?_

The memories hit him like a freight train. Arriving late to the party, meeting Mr. Sanders (“Call me Thomas,” he had said, flashing his perfect smile _with his perfect teeth and perfect lips_ ), and signing him up as a potential producer. Technically they had enough money and popularity to keep their band afloat without a producer, but to get such an influential man on their team was a dream come true. They got back to Janus’ house at around 2 AM, where they promptly got _wasted._ Virgil could still taste whatever expensive shit Janus had grabbed from the cellar. _Speaking of Janus..._

Virgil slowly opened his eyes, nearly hissing at the light shining through the giant windows. He looked over from his spot on the floor (how did he get there?) and found Janus and Remus cuddling together, a bottle of wine nestled between them. Remus was drooling, and Virgil noticed multiple hickeys along Janus’ throat. Virgil smiled as he got up. His two friends and essentially brothers had an odd relationship, but Virgil respected it. It was obvious that they were in love, but they didn’t want to put a label on it yet. They had offered for Virgil to join them, but he had declined. While Virgil did care for the other two deeply, he didn’t share the same spark that they did.

Virgil eventually found his way to the bathroom, quickly losing whatever remained in his stomach. He sat on the cold tile, waiting for the nausea to pass. He hadn’t drank that much in a _long_ time. He should ask Janus if he can bring one of those bottles home. He’ll probably bitch for a few days (Janus liked to use alcohol as an excuse for Virgil to come over) but he’ll get over it.

_Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz_

Virgil grabbed his phone out of his jacket pocket (why was he still wearing his jacket?) and turned off his 10 AM alarm. He almost always woke up before his alarm went off, but his anxiety made him use the alarm anyways. He quickly checked for any new messages, and noticed his rather lackluster response to Roman helping him yesterday. _He helped me get through an anxiety attack, and all I had to say was ‘thank you?’ The least I could do is apologize._ Before his hungover brain could remind him of how _stupid_ of an idea that was, he had already sent a text.

_V- (10:02 AM) Hey, I just wanted to apologize for last night. You ended up being right, my friend was just running late. I ended up having a pretty good time, all things considered. Thanks for helping me through that attack. It meant a lot to me. I was still a little disoriented last night so I wasn’t wanting to type much. Again, thank you for helping a stranger. You're a good guy, Princey._

Before Virgil could second-guess himself, he locked his phone and got up. He quickly took some painkillers and went to find some form of a healthy breakfast. Virgil had always been self-conscious of how he looked, so he tended to eat light and work out when possible. He ended up finding enough eggs and veggies to make a few omelets. Virgil decided to make his last, knowing that Remus and Janus would be awake before the first one was finished. Sure enough, as soon as the first omelet was ready to be flipped, Remus was skipping into the kitchen, dragging a disgruntled Janus behind him. How that man had any energy this early in the morning _with_ a hangover was a mystery to Virgil. He quickly served Remus his omelet, who proceeded to pour an obscene amount of salt onto it. Virgil cringed as he turned to make Janus’ omelet. He tuned out their conversation until he heard his name.

“Well I think Virgil should sleep with him-”

Virgil whipped around so fast that he almost burned himself on the stove. “WHAT?!?”

Remus scoffed, twirling his fork between his fingers. “While Tomathy did seem pretty convinced last night, a little bit of _extra persuasion_ never hurt anybody. While I would normally volunteer, I don’t think that man has ever _seen_ a vagina, much less wants to fuck one. And he seemed to be afraid of Janny over here, so _you’re_ it, pumpkin.”

Virgil blushed, turning back to omelet making. Janus sighed, “ _Remus,_ darling, I don’t believe that Mr. Sanders requires any more... incentive. However, _if_ Virgil decided to pursue that type of relationship with him... I wouldn’t be opposed.”

Virgil let out a squeak, his face even redder as he gave Janus his food. Remus laughed. “What’s the matter, Veevee? Cat got your dick? Even if you don’t sleep with Mr. Business, you should still get around more! Sex is good for the soul.”

Virgil flipped him off, resulting in another chuckle. He turned back to make his own omelet. Sure, Virgil hadn’t been in a relationship since, well, _ever,_ but that wasn’t his fault! He just hadn’t found the right person yet, that’s all! Besides, Virgil didn’t _do_ one night stands. The idea of sleeping with a stranger left a knot in his stomach.

By the time Virgil sat down with his omelet, Remus was already done. He started bouncing around ideas for new songs, with Virgil or Janus occasionally adding their own ideas.

_Bzzz_

Virgil glanced at his phone, seeing that he had a response from Roman. He went to unlock his phone.

“Who’s that?”

Virgil jumped, staring face-to-face with Janus. He could see where Janus’ question was coming from, since before now Virgil only ever texted Janus and Remus. “Just a random guy that I accidentally texted last night. I didn’t really apologize well last night, so I texted him again earlier today.” Janus and Remus both smirked. "I swear to god, whatever you two are thinking, it's wrong."

Janus tilted his head, looking like an innocent little angel ( _innocent my ass_ ). "Whatever would we be thinking about, Virgil?" He turned to look at Remus. "Is this why Virgil found the idea of sleeping with Mr. Sanders so scandalous?" Virgil groaned, hoping that his meal would distract him from the cackling idiots in front of him.

By the time Virgil (finally) got home, wine tucked under one arm, he had almost forgotten about Roman's text. He quickly checked it, almost snorting at what he saw.

_R-(10:35 AM) What can I say except you're welcome! Seriously, it was no problem. I'm happy that you had a good time at the party. It was a pleasure to help, storm cloud._

Virgil was halfway through typing a response before he stopped. Technically he could leave the text as it is and move on like nothing happened. On the other hand, Roman seemed like a fun guy to talk to. Surely he would tell Virgil if he wanted to stop talking to him, right? He ended up sending the text anyways, wanting to see if Roman would respond.

_V- (11:45 AM) Really, you're gonna start your text with a Moana reference? You really are a Disney Prince, aren't ya Princey? And what's with the 'storm cloud' anyway?_

Virgil expected a lot of things. Roman could block his number. He could poke fun at Virgil's anxiety attack from last night. He could take forever to respond, just to ask Virgil to never text him again. What Virgil didn't expect, however, was for an immediate, yet passionate, response.

_R- (11:46 AM) DISNEY IS A BEAUTIFUL MASTERPIECE THAT WILL ALWAYS HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART._

_R- (11:46 AM) Sorry, I got a little emotional. I REALLY like Disney. And the reason I called you 'storm cloud' is because you didn't give me another name to call you, storm cloud. And I will take the Disney prince jab as a compliment._

Virgil laughed, already typing out a response. He probably shouldn't be giving out his name to a near stranger, but he didn't think it would matter much. Virgil Storm was a nobody, a reject from the foster system. Sure, he was secretly singer/songwriter Anxiety, but Roman didn't need to know that.

_V- (11:47 AM) Sorry, the name's Virgil, he/him pronouns. And I didn't mean it as a jab, Disney's got a place in my heart too._

_R- (11:48 AM) REALLY!?!? WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DISNEY MOVIE? DISNEY CLASSICS OR PIXAR? FAVORITE DISNEY PRINCESS? THESE ARE ALL VERY IMPORTANT_

_V- (11:48 AM) Um, okay. Nightmare Before Christmas, Classics, and does Elsa count as a Disney Princess?_

_R- (11:49 AM) Nope. Elsa is a QUEEN. WE WILL NOT SLANDER SUCH A GODDESS!_

_V- (11:49 AM) Geez, let it go, Princey_

_R- (11:49 AM) N(ice) one_

_V- (11:49 AM) Then I've gotta go with Cinderella. She decided to make one slightly bad decision last her entire life, as opposed to other princesses making a decision that immediately threw their lives away. Though that is what makes the movie interesting._

_R- (11:50 AM) What do you mean?_

_V- (11:50 AM) Disney is known for being pure and innocent, but it contains tons of sinister undertones._

_R- (11:50 AM) Not all of them!_

_V- (11:50 AM) Let's play a game then, we each pick a movie and describe the message that we believe the audience was supposed to receive._

_R- (11:51 AM) Alrighty then, I'll go first. Cinderella: Believe in your dreams and, one day, they will come true._

_V- (11:51 AM) Sure, just literally wait around your entire life, subjecting yourself to the cruelty of your ungrateful ignorant family members, until some MAGICAL fairy comes along to save you. Don't take action yourself. Not to mention man can't memorize the face of a woman they've been dancing around with for hours, they have to rely on the shoe, ergo men are idiots._

_R- (11:52 AM) He was a very busy prince! He had a lot on his mind._

_V- (11:52 AM) Fine, what do you think about Snow White?_

_R- (11:52 AM) Okay. So this time the message is to NOT do what the Princess did: Don't accept random fruit from strangers._

_V- (11:53 AM) The bigger message is to just run away from your problems and become a housekeeper for 7 men. Not to mention a Prince comes out of nowhere and plants a kiss on a seemingly sleeping girl? I guess consent isn't really that important?_

_R- (11:54 AM) He thought she was DEAD! It was a farewell kiss!_

_R- (11:54 AM) Okay, how about Peter Pan. Don't let your childhood spirit ever die._

_V- (11:55 AM) Also it's totally fine to believe a random stranger when they tell you to jump out a window after they've broken into your house. But I guess that's how your whole being would die._

_R- (11:55 AM) COME ON! Can you REALLY look down so harshly on these movies?!?_

_V- (11:55 AM) I still like them! There's just some darker messages that we don't first see._

_R- (11:56 AM) Bambi_

_V- (11:56 AM) Man is dangerous_

_R- (11:56 AM) Pocahontas_

_V- (11:56 AM) White man is dangerous_

_R- (11:56 AM) SLEEPING BEAUTY_

_V- (11:56 AM) Well now we’re back to the lack of consent with sleeping women_

_R- (11:56 AM) IT WAS TO LIFT A CURSE!!_

_V- (11:57 AM) Am I wrong?_

_R- (11:58 AM) …No, I suppose not. I guess there are darker aspects that I did not take into account. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean that those movies are intending on teaching such… immoral lessons._

_V- (11:58 AM) And I never said that they were. That’s just my interpretation of them. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion._

When 5 minutes passed with no response, Virgil deemed it the end of that conversation. He went to go take a shower (he still smelt like alcohol and vomit) and hopefully get some ideas for his next song. Maybe something about interpretations?

By the time Virgil was out of the shower and fully dressed, there was a new message on his phone. He went to check it and was surprised by what he saw.

_R- (12:12 PM) Virgil, in the span of just 30 minutes, you have given me one of the most invigorating debates I have ever gone through. I would really like to have another one in the future. Would you like to join a group chat with me and my friends, Patton and Logan? I have a feeling that you would get along quite nicely. You are not obligated under any means, but I can see that we have the potential to be great friends. What d’ya say, storm cloud?_


	3. Welcome to the chat, Virgil!

_What d'ya say, storm cloud?_

Virgil bit his lip, the question looping through his brain. What _would_ he say to that? On one hand, he barely knew Roman. They only had two conversations, with Virgil having an anxiety attack halfway through one. How could Virgil trust him? On the other hand, having more people to talk to other than Janus and Remus… a part of Virgil, the part of him that wanted to cry at the thought of an injured animal, practically _sang_ at the idea. If Patton and Logan were anything like Roman, Virgil knew that they would get along quite nicely. _Worst-case scenario, I'll say something stupid and proceed to block their numbers forever._

_V- (12:45 PM) As long as your friends are cool with it, I’m down._

_R- (12:47 PM) Alrighty then. Just one moment, My Chemically Imbalanced Romance._

Virgil blushed at the nickname. Before he could even try and think of a response to _that,_ Princey had already set up the group chat.

_R- (12:48 PM) Hello my friends!_

_?- (12:48 PM) Hi Roro!_

_?- (12:48 PM) Salutations_

_V- (12:48 PM) Hey_

_?- (12:48 PM) Hi! You must Virgil! I’m Patton, he/him pronouns!_

_?- (12:49 PM) Good afternoon, Virgil. My name is Logan. I also use he/him pronouns._

_V- (12:49 PM) Thanks, so I guess Roman’s already blabbed about me? You guys can call me V or Virge if you want, I’m not picky. He/him_

_L- (12:49 PM) Roman did not tell us much, beyond “He’s a creepy cookie with Pat’s humor and Lo’s smartness.” I also assume that you’re the one Roman assisted last night. I hope the exercises were beneficial._

_V- (12:50 PM) They were, thanks_

_P- (12:50 PM) So, what do you like to do, Virgil?_

Virgil bit his lip, glancing around his room. He _really_ didn’t want to tell them about his music career. What if they recognized him and hated him because of his music. Or worse, what if they pretend that they’re friends with him so they can live off of his popularity? His eyes landed on sketch pads and suitcases. _That could work._

_V- (12:51 PM) I commission art. I also travel around with my friends._

_P- (12:51 PM) Ooh, can we see some? Only if you're comfortable of course!_

Virgil quickly flipped through his sketchbook. Most of his sketches were designs for _The Dark Sides,_ so they were a no-go. Other drawings had some sort of gore or hellish imagery, and Virgil had a feeling that they wouldn’t like those drawings like Janus and Remus did. He eventually found a drawing that with no blood: it showed three men in dresses, each with their own style. The one on the left wore a black ball gown with yellow accents and yellow elbow-length gloves. The figure on the right had an emerald green mermaid dress with black accents and black fingerless gloves. The one in the center had a purple princess-style dress with black accents and no gloves. Virgil smiled as he sent the photo to the chat. Remus had explained that the only thing he missed from being a girl was the pretty dresses he wore. Janus and Virgil had responded by going to the mall and buying dresses for the three of them, saying that they didn’t need to be girls to wear dresses. Remus had been so happy he almost ripped the dress in his haste to put it on.

_P- (12:54 PM) Ohmygosh that’s so pretty! Are these real dresses?_

_V- (12:54 PM) Yeah. My friend Remus (the one on the right) felt bad for wanting to wear a dress so me and Janus (the one on the left) went dress shopping with him._

_R- (12:54 PM) Well, he shouldn’t feel bad. You three SLAY those dresses!_

_L- (12:55 PM) I also agree. While I don’t believe that I look good in a dress, you three successfully “pull it off.”_

Virgil couldn’t help but blush at the compliments. Even though they bought the dresses for Remus’ sake, wearing more feminine clothing was an… invigorating experience. Virgil turned back to the conversation, attempting to change the topic of conversation.

_V- (12:56 PM) Okay, I showed my stuff, now it’s your turn. What do you guys like to do?_

_P- (12:56 PM) I own a bakery/cafe! I just LOVE to bake sweets! Especially cookies! I also LOVE punny jokes!_

_L- (12:56 PM) I am currently working part-time at a local library. I am attempting to get a master's degree in astronomy and wish to work at the local planetarium. I enjoy reading and stargazing._

_R- (12:57 PM) I’m currently an actor at the local theater, though I hope to soon reach my full potential on Broadway!_

Virgil smiled at the descriptions. _Three VERY different people, all with different dreams and ambitions. And now they’ve roped me into their merry band of misfits._

_V- (12:58 PM) So, how did you guys meet each other?_

_P- (12:58 PM) Me and Lolo were neighbors before we got together. We met Roro in highschool. I swear, I thought they hated each other for the longest time! Then I caught Lo and Ro making out junior year, so we sat and talked it out. Now we’re all happily living together!_

Virgil blinked, rereading what Patton just typed. _Got together? Are they…?_

_V- (12:59 PM) I’m sorry if this sounds rude, but… are you guys all dating each other?_

_L- (1:00 PM) Yes, we are. I assumed that Roman informed you of this._

_P- (1:00 PM) Ro?_

_R- (1:04 PM) I apologize, Virgil. I wasn’t sure what your opinions were on polyamory. I hope you can forgive me._

Virgil snorted, imagining the four-minute delay was of Princey getting verbally beaten by Patton and Logan. He imagined Roman wearing a prince outfit (because he’s Princey) with his head in his hands. Patton would be standing over him, hands on his hips, and a disapproving scowl on his face. Logan would be standing next to Patton, arms crossed with an open book still in hand. He quickly turned back to the conversation, not wanting to make them worry.

_V- (1:06 PM) It’s fine. I’ve got nothing against polyamory. I would be a hypocrite if I did,_

_L- (1:07 PM) Are you also in a polyamorous relationship?_

_V- (1:07 PM) I’ve never been in a relationship. But I WAS thinking about joining Janus and Remus’ relationship when they started dating, since we all cared about each other and they offered. I thought about it for a while, but I eventually said no. I see them more like brothers, y’know? And they’re happy together, so it all worked out._

_P- (1:08 PM) Good for you, Kiddo! I know it’s hard to tell people that you care about what you want, especially when you don’t know if they feel the same way. You made the right decision. Are you guys still friends?_

_V- (1:09 PM) Yeah, they’re my best friends. We do everything together_

_V- (1:09 PM) And “Kiddo”?_

_P- (1:10 PM) Sorry, you’re all my Kiddos, Kiddo!_

_L- (1:10 PM) Patton, there is the chance that Virgil is older than all of us._

_P- (1:11 PM) Virgil, how old are you? We’re all 24!_

Virgil sighed. _Patton just gave away his age to someone he just met. I’m not dumb enough to do THAT. Oh, wait, yes I am._

_V- (1:11 PM) 25_

_R- (1:12 PM) He’s just saying that so he’s older than us!_

_P- (1:12 PM) Ro! Virgil would NEVER lie for something so petty. Would you, Kiddo?_

_V- (1:13 PM) I mean, if I did you would never know so_

_R- (1:13 PM) SEE?!?_

_L- (1:14 PM) While this conversation has been truly invigorating to be a part of, I’m afraid it must end here. I have a shift at the library soon, Patton needs to go manage the lunch rush at the bakery, and Roman is SUPPOSED to clean the apartment while we’re gone. It was a pleasure meeting you, Virgil. I hope to continue this conversation at a later date._

_P- (1:14 PM) HOLY SHMOKES YOU’RE RIGHT! I GOTTA GO! BYE KIDDOS!_

_V- (1:15 PM) Bye Lo, Pat, Princey. Nice talking to ya. See you guys later._

Virgil smiled, setting his phone on the bed as he went to grab his guitar. He was in the mood to play some music, and he needed some lyrics for their next song. He heard his phone go off and waited until he was sitting comfortably on the bed before reading it.

_R- (1:17 PM) I knew you guys would get along. Welcome to the chat, Virgil._

_V- (1:20 PM) :)_


	4. Sad Boys and Fun Facts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that's reading this story. Every Kudos, comment, and bookmark makes my day! One thing that I want to mention: other than the boys having occasional sad days, the only angst I'm writing is when they're recounting something that's already happened. That being said, there WILL be angsty backstories. VoltronTrash20 asked if Remus and Roman were related in this story, and they are! They just haven't spoken to each other in years for angsty reasons. Don't worry, I'm not gonna put these characters through any more angst than necessary.  
> Oh, and in the previous chapter, Virgil showed off a sketch of him and his friends in dresses. Well, I decided to draw them! I didn't want to post it here (in case you didn't want to see them) so it's on my Tumblr: @emy-loves-you  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and the many chapters that follow!

Three weeks had passed since Virgil had first texted Roman. In those three weeks, Virgil had learned a lot about his new friends.

First, there was Patton. God, did that man love puns. Virgil also loved puns, but he preferred reading Patton’s puns over making his own. Remus had caught Virgil blushing at his phone and made a comment about his new “friends with benefits” (Virgil had been unable to respond. He was too busy trying to hold back his giggles from one of Patton’s pun tangents). Patton also made it clear that he was the “Dad Friend” of the group. Virgil couldn’t type a single self-deprecating comment without Patton threatening to physically fight him. It was rather terrifying, really. He also made sure that everyone was taking care of themselves. Once they learned that they were in the same timezone (They hadn’t shared cities yet. Friend or no, Virgil was telling where he lived in  _ that  _ quickly) Patton made it his goal to check in and make sure that Virgil ate at mealtime. One last thing about Patton was his… struggle with technology. He tended to send almost everything directly to the group chat instead of private messages. Logan said that he tried to teach Patton how to do so, but the lessons never seemed to stick.

Speaking of Logan, the nerd had his own quirks. He didn’t type much, usually only responding when someone required everyone to respond. The other time that he typed was during debates. Nine days into their friendship, Virgil had mentioned saying “you too” to a cute barista and claimed that he ruined any chances with his new crush. While Patton and Roman offered words of encouragement, Logan remained silent. Virgil had assumed that Logan agreed with him but didn’t want to upset his boyfriends. As soon as their conversation ended, Virgil received a private text from Logan, requesting to debate. They argued over cognitive distortions for a whole hour before they reached a compromise. Logan had called the debate “lit” and asked if they could debate again in the future. That was another thing about Logan. Apparently, he had vocabulary cards for slang words. When he was talking out loud, he would hold the card up so the others knew what slang word he was attempting to use. When texting, he would put quotation marks around the word. It was adorable, in Virgil’s humble opinion.

Then there was Roman. Princey was known for his dramatic flair and Disney references. When he was feeling especially Extra ™ , he would use “thees” and “thys” and call people peasants. He also had a love for nicknames. Patton had very few personal nicknames, with most of them being terms of endearment like “honey” and “amor.” Most of Logan’s nicknames pertained to him being a nerd, such as “pocket protector” and “Microsoft Nerd.” He seemed to have a limitless number of nicknames for Virgil, with most of them referencing his emo-aesthetic (how Princey had discovered  _ that  _ so early in their friendship, Virgil had no clue). He never repeated Virgil’s nicknames; the only exception was “storm cloud,” which he tended to use at least once every conversation.

Virgil had become extremely close with the trio over these three weeks. That wasn’t the only thing he did, just the thing he did most often.  _ The Dark Sides  _ had finalized their contract with Thomas, who set up a tour almost immediately. Virgil really should have seen that coming. Their band had become extremely popular over the past few years, and they had only done one tour before this. Performing across the country would help boost their popularity even further. Virgil sighed, his anxiety spiking at just the  _ thought  _ of seeing all those faces in the crowd. That was why he used the persona  _ Anxiety.  _ Anxiety wasn’t afraid of anything, he  _ was  _ fear. Being Anxiety allowed Virgil to be confident and suave without worrying about judgment. They judged  _ Anxiety,  _ not  _ Virgil.  _ The case was similar for Janus and Remus.  _ Deceit  _ was elegant and mysterious, while  _ Duke  _ was loud and over-the-top. They didn’t have to be rejects wanting to fit in with society. No, they were  _ Rockstars.  _ Society wanted to fit in with  _ them.  _ And Virgil was just fine with that.

_ Bzzz _

Vigil glanced over at his phone. He was in Los Angelas right now, around halfway through his tour, which put him 3 hours behind his new friends. He glanced over at his clock,  **9:45 PM** glaring at him through the dark. He turned back to his phone.  _ Why are they up at 12:45 in the morning? I know Logan keeps them on a rigid sleep schedule. _

_ P- (9:45 PM) Ro? Are you still up? _

_ V- (9:45 PM) Pat, why are you still up? _

_ P- (9:45 PM) Why are you still up, kiddo? It’s almost 1 AM! Don’t you have a hangout with your friends today? _

Virgil sighed, thinking of the concert he had tomorrow. He glanced over to his sketchbook. Patton had been really impressed with his sketches, so he had been practicing less gory drawings to show him. It had evolved into something almost therapeutic. Knowing how he worked, Virgil would probably sketch until around 2 in the morning, then sleep until 8 AM. The concert wasn’t until 7 PM, so he had enough time to sleep in if necessary.

_ V- (9:46 PM) First of all, you know I’m in California right now. It’s 9:46 for me. Second of all, we’re not hanging out until tomorrow night, so I can sleep in if needed. Third of all, you’re avoiding the question: What are you and Roman doing up at 1 in the morning? I thought you guys had work in the morning. _

_ P- (9:47 PM) We do. Roman got a burst of inspiration at around 10, and he usually refuses to sleep until he writes it all down. He probably fell asleep at his desk, that silly billy! _

_ V- (9:47 PM) That doesn’t explain why you’re still awake. And why didn’t you get up to check on him? I thought you guys lived together. _

_ P- (9:47 PM) We do! I just couldn’t fall asleep tonight. And the bed’s too warm to get up! _

_ V- (9:48 PM) Well, Princey’s probably being a “sleeping beauty” _

Virgil frowned at his phone. Patton hadn’t responded to his text. Sure, that wasn’t a very good pun, but it was still a  _ pun.  _ Patton laughed at every pun he saw, or at least followed it up with another pun.  _ He could be asleep, but didn’t he just say that he had trouble sleeping? _

_ V- (9:50 PM) Pat? _

_ P- (9:50 PM) Yeah, Kiddo? _

_ V- (9:50 PM) Are you okay? _

_ V- (9:52 PM) Patton? _

_ V- (9:52 PM) I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Just because you didn’t answer my pun doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. I’m sorry that I sounded like an asshole. _

_ P- (9:52 PM) No, Sweety. It’s fine! It’s nice to know that someone cares about you! _

_ P- (9:53 PM) I’m just a little sad today. _

_ V- (9:53 PM) Do you wanna talk about it? _

_ P- (9:54 PM) I’m fine, Kiddo! This just happens sometimes. No need to worry! _

Virgil sighed, thinking about how much Patton reminded him of Janus. Janus grew up neglected, and was taught to convince everyone that his life was perfect. By the time Virgil had met him, Janus was 19 and a compulsive liar. Virgil wasn’t much better, having just gotten kicked out of the foster system. Virgil lived with Janus (and soon Remus) until  _ The Dark Sides  _ had enough income for Virgil to live on his own (technically Janus had more than enough money for that- his parents were loaded. But Virgil wanted to have something that he  _ earned.  _ He wasn’t just some charity case). When they first lived together, Virgil could never tell what Janus was actually thinking. It took a lot of time and trust to separate  _ Janus  _ from  _ Deceit.  _ Now, he was still heavily sarcastic, and he tended to close himself off when he got upset, but Janus had come a long way.

Virgil looked back to his phone. Patton didn’t  _ seem  _ to have it as bad as Janus did, but you could never tell. At least he acknowledged that he wasn’t okay. There is the chance that something really  _ is  _ bothering him, but Virgil had to trust Patton on that note. It is entirely possible that Patton is just feeling down today; God knows how many times Virgil would question why he should get out of bed. He bit his lip.  _ What helps me when I feel sad for no reason?  _ He smiled, remembering when Remus would spout the most  _ obscene  _ things to distract himself from his own negative thinking.  _ A distraction. _

_ V- (9:56 PM) Did you know that  _ _ giraffes can clean their ears with their own tongues? _

_ P- (9:56 PM) What? _

_ V- (9:56 PM) “Rhythm” is the longest word in the English language that doesn’t have a vowel. _

_ V- (9:56 PM) Elephants are the only mammals that cannot jump. _

_ P- (9:57 PM) More like Elecan’t! _

_ V- (9:57 PM) Haha :) _

_ V- (9:57 PM) Without food coloring, Coca Cola would be green. _

_ V- (9:57 PM) A 3-year-old boy was elected as mayor in Dorset, Minnesota _

_ P- (9:58 PM) No way! _

_ V- (9:58 PM) Yes way! His name was James Tufts. _

_ V- (9:58 PM) 7 different dogs have been elected as mayors in the US. _

_ P- (9:58 PM) I love dogs! They’re such good boys! _

Virgil smiled, adding  _ Loves Dogs  _ to his mental list of  _ Quirky things I like about Patton Morale.  _ They continued to talk about dog mayors for a while until Patton ended it abruptly.

_ P- (10:14 PM) Why are you doing this? _

_ V- (10:14 PM) Doing what? _

_ P- (10:15 PM) Why are you going out of your way to try and cheer me up? You should’ve stopped talking to me 20 minutes ago. Instead, we’re laying here at 1 AM talking about dog mayors! I would have been fine on my own. Why are you wasting your time on me? _

_ V- (10:16 PM) Pat, if you tell me that I’m wasting my time talking to you, I’m going to have to physically fight you. You are my FRIEND. I care about you. When you’re sad, I WANT to cheer you up. When you’re happy, I WANT to laugh along to your punny jokes. Because I know, at the end of the day, if I was sad and needed someone to cheer me up, you would do it in a heartbeat. You, Lo, and Princey are amazing people, and my time spent with you will NEVER be a waste. I swear. _

Virgil sighed, dropping his phone on the bed. He might’ve been  _ too  _ forward with that last text. But it was true. While the four of them weren’t nearly as close as Virgil was with Janus and Remus, he still cared about them a lot.

_ P- (10:18 PM) Thanks, Virgil. That really means a lot to me _

_ P- (10:18 PM) I’m gonna try and get some sleep now _

_ V- (10:18 PM) Alright Patton, Goodnight _

_ P- (10:18 PM) Goodnight _

The next day, Virgil saw a postcard in the window of a gift shop. It had a puppy with sunglasses on the beach, with cartoonish letters saying “Having A WonderFUR Time!” He took a picture and sent it to Princey.

_ V- (1:08 PM) What’s your address or PO? I wanna send this to Patton. _

_ R- (1:09 PM) Say no more, Hot Topic! _

_ V- (1:09 PM) Aw, you think I’m hot. _


	5. Drunk Sad Boys and Katanas

Virgil sat up from his spot on the bathroom floor. It was early August now, 6 weeks since he met Princey and 2 days since their tour officially ended. The tour was a success, with nearly all of their concerts being fully booked. As soon as they got back they had one day to relax before their yearly tradition: Remus’ birthday. Remus refused to tell them the day of his actual birthday, only that it was in July. So they usually picked a random day in July where they had no plans. They would then proceed to get wasted, share some depressing and/or embarrassing shit about themselves, and have penis-shaped pancakes the next morning (Remus’ favorite). They weren’t actually able to celebrate it in July this year, since they didn’t think Thomas would appreciate them getting wasted while on tour. Virgil now sat there the next morning, trying to vaguely remember what embarrassing thing they confessed last night.

Janus had confessed that he was depressed and slightly suicidal before he met Virgil.  _ “I was just takin’ a walk, thinkin’ ‘what if I just throw m’self off that cliff? Make those bast’rds find my *burb* body.’ Then YOU showed up outa NOWHERE, and then I was like ‘shit, I can’t die, pretty boy needs me.’” _

Remus had confessed to having a twin.  _ “He was Mr. Perfect, a jock with a 3.8 GPA and theatre nerd to boot. We had a fight right ‘fore I came out, he said ‘stop tryin’ ta be me!’ He went to a friends house while I came out to mom an’ pa. ‘You’re wrong,’ they said. ‘We have one son, not two!’ I left ‘fore he could go and ‘gree with ‘em. That’s why I don’t cel’brate on the day. He’s prob’ly sitting in their kitchen, the perf’ son with perf’ wife an’ kid with a big cake and no fuckup twin to ruin it.’ _

Virgil had confessed to having a crush on Patton, Logan and Roman. He blushed, remembering his word vomit- and literal vomit.  _ “They’re all so goddamn cute. Pat texts me every few hours to make sure I’ve eaten. He makes puns and cookies and he’ll blabber on ‘bout the cutest little things. Lo’ll type a speech worth of stuff over jus’ ‘bout an’thin’. He uses r’lly big words, but he gets some wrong. He said that the number of stars ina sky are inf’itesimal, which realy means tiny. It was so damn cute. Then Princey! He has all these lil nicknames for me. He called me hot! What the fuck ‘m I s’posed to do? I’ll fuck it up like I always do and-”  _ He then proceeded to vomit all over himself. Luckily, Virgil has multiple sets of clothes at Janus’ house.

Virgil eventually got up, going to make the aforementioned phallical flapjacks. Soon enough, everyone was sitting around the kitchen table with pancakes and headaches.

_ Bzzz _

Virgil ignored his phone for the moment, going to clean up his dishes and get himself a fresh cup of coffee. He heard his phone go off two more times before he sat down.  _ I wonder what they’re talking about this early in the morning. _

_ P- (10:28 AM) Hey Ro? Are you gonna want the last slice of this Bday cake? _

_ R- (10:28 AM) You can have it, Pattoncake. Though you shouldn’t be having cake for breakfast. _

_ P- (10:28 AM) I know, but it’s SO GOOD! _

Virgil nearly spat out his coffee.  _ Birthday cake? Did one of them have a birthday and not tell me? _

_ V- (10:29 AM) Who’s Bday was it? _

_ L- (10:29 AM) July 28th was Roman’s Birthday. _

_ R- (10:29 AM) Logan! _

_ L- (10:30 AM) What? I was merely answering his question. _

_ V- (10:30 AM) Why didn’t you tell me, Princey? _

_ R- (10:31 AM) I’m sorry, storm cloud. You were busy traveling and I didn’t want to interrupt it. We don’t even celebrate it, really. It’s just cake and ice cream between the 3 of us. _

_ P- (10:31 AM) And Presents! _

_ R- (10:32 AM) And presents _

Virgil bit his lip. Should he do this? Will it come off as too forward or creepy? Virgil sighed, sending his response before he could change his mind.

_ V- (10:33 AM) Name your gift. Anything you want _

_ P- (10:34 AM) That’s not necessary, kiddo! But thanks for the offer! _

_ R- (10:34 AM) A KATANA! _

_ L- (10:34 AM) Roman, for the last time, you don’t need a katana. _

_ R- (10:35 AM) Why?!? It would just be for decoration, I swear! Imagine: a stainless steel katana with a red and gold hilt, with the name PRINCE engraved into the metal. I would hang it above the mantle in the living room! It would be perfect! _

Virgil looked up, Remus and Janus still eating. “Hey J, remember that favor you owe me?”

Janus looked up, looking perfectly calm and collected, even though his hangover was probably worse than Virgil’s. “Which one?”

“That time you groped a stranger, thinking it was Remus. You were too drunk to properly respond so I took the blame. And the ban from that club.”

He cringed, taking a sip of his coffee. “Ah, I remember now. What do you need?”

“How long would it take to get a stainless steel, custom made katana anonymously sent to a house around 20 minutes away from here?” Virgil had been surprised to find out that his new crushes lived in the same city as him. They didn’t know that, however. Actually, they hadn’t asked Virgil anything too invasive, usually sticking to hobbies and daily life. Virgil didn’t know how he felt about that.

Janus sighed, pulling out his phone. “Give me the details and address. I’ll see what I can do.”

Half an hour later, Janus told Virgil that it “would arrive at Prince Charming’s house in two weeks.” Virgil blushed at the nickname (so what if he’s fantasized Princey as Prince Charming? That’s none of J’s business) and pulled out his wallet. “If you attempt to pay me back I will personally remove your testicles.” Janus smirked, “Besides, you  _ totally  _ want to know how much it costs to order a katana.” Virgil sighed, pocketing his wallet. He pulled out his phone, deciding to leave it a surprise. He would also have to find a good apology gift for Logan and Patton.

_ V- (11:10 AM) I think I know what to get you now. It should arrive in 2 weeks. Happy Belated Birthday, Princey! _

_ R- (11:11 AM) Ooh, what is it! I need to know, Marilyn Morose! _

_ V- (11:11 AM) Not telling :) _

And Virgil kept his word. Every day, Roman would ask what the surprise was, and every day, Virgil would refuse to answer. Two days before the katana was scheduled to arrive, Virgil called up the local confectioner and had them send Logan and Patton’s favorite chocolates to their house (dark chocolate-covered pomegranates for Logan, white chocolate-covered strawberries for Patton). When asked, Virgil had called them “Pre-apology sweets.” That only fueled Roman’s need to know what his belated gift was. Finally, the day arrived. It was a Saturday afternoon, so Roman would be at the theatre and Patton would be at the bakery. Virgil kept his phone glued to him all day, waiting for the inevitable Logan rant.

_ L- (2:32 PM) VIRGIL! _

_ V- (2:32 PM) Yeah, Lolo? _

_ L- (2:32 PM) HOW COULD YOU? _

_ V- (2:33 PM) In my defense, I gave you pre-apology chocolates. _

_ R- (2:33 PM) IS IT HERE?!!? WHAT IS IT??? I’M ON MY WAY HOME NOW _

_ L- (2:34 PM) ROMAN NO _

_ R- (2:34 PM) ROMAN YES _

_ R- (2:40 PM) SQUEEEE [*Photo Attachment*] _

Virgil opened the attachment, excited to see how the katana turned out. It was stainless steel; with a red, gold, and white hilt. Both the metal and the sheath showed the word PRINCEY. It turned out quite nicely, in Virgil’s opinion.

_ V- (2:41 PM) Happy Birthday, Princey _

_ R- (2:41 PM) I LOVE IT! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! _

_ L- (2:42 PM) Roman, where are we gonna put a FREAKING KATANA? _

_ V- (2:42 PM) Roman said you guys had space above the mantle. _

_ R- (2:43 PM) Logan just made the Windows error sound. I’m kinda terrified _

_ L- (2:43 PM) FLAMES! ON THE SIDES OF MY FACE! _

Virgil laughed, flopping back onto his bed. He called the confectioner again (he’s pretty sure their name is Joan?) to order another set of apology sweets for Logan and Patton. Logan liked Crofters Jam, right? Maybe he’ll like the jam-filled pastries.  _ Today was a good day. _


	6. Who the F*ck's Rebecca? OR how the 3 gays got together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, my original plan was for this chapter to be half-Roman-angst/half-fluff, and the next chapter was supposed to be the same but with Virgil angst. THEN I ENDED UP WRITING AN ENTIRE ANGST CHAPTER ON ACCIDENT. I'm sorry. Next chapter will be 110% fluff, I swear. And in case some of you are confused by the logistics of this story, I put some explanations in the end-notes. Don't be afraid to ask questions in the comments! I'll answer whatever I can with as little spoilers as possible.  
> Oh and this story has OVER 700 HITS AND 100 KUDOS IN 5 DAYS??? WHAT?? THANK YOU??

_V- (2:07 PM) Let it Go was the best song in Frozen and you cannot convince me otherwise_

_R- (2:07 PM) I respect your opinion, but hear me out: Love is an Open Door_

_V- (2:08 PM) No_

_R- (2:08 PM) What about Fixer Upper?_

_V- (2:09 PM) Still no._

_P- (2:09 PM) I really liked Olaf’s song about Summer!_

_L- (2:10 PM) I personally enjoyed the reprise of First Time in Forever._

_R- (2:10 PM) You like almost any song with a reprise_

_L- (2:10 PM)I will not argue that, as successfully executed reprises are “lit.”_

_R- (2:11 PM) Ah, and who among us could forget the absolute BOP that is… that weird ice-cutting song._

_P- (2:11 PM) I don’t know, Roman. I think that song is, pretty COOL_

_R- (2:11 PM) Oh, lookout_

_V- (2:12 PM) What? He’s just saying it’s a CHILLED out groove._

_R- (2:12 PM) Ugh_

_L- (2:12 PM) We might need you two to leave this chat if you don’t stop._

Virgil laughed, throwing his phone on the bed and stripping out of his clothes. He just finished jogging home from Janus’ (he didn’t own a car right now, preferring to walk or have Janus pick him up). It was a lazy afternoon in late September, and all Virgil wanted to do was get out of these sweaty clothes and maybe take a nap. He heard his phone go off multiple times as he got dressed, probably Patton and Logan arguing about the purpose of puns. He flopped down onto his bed and grabbed his phone, checking the new messages.

_P- (2:14 PM) Lo, the Princes are calling._

_L- (2:14 PM) Tell Roman not to answer, Patton. We’ve been over this._

_P- (2:14 PM) They’re asking about us, Lo._

_L- (2:14 PM) Tell Roman to hang up. They’re not worth it._

_P- (2:15 PM) They’re yelling now, L. They brought up Rebecca. What do I do?_

_L- (2:15 PM) Just walk into another room, Patton. Ignore them. Do you want me to call you?_

_P- (2:15 PM) No, I’m good. Just keep texting me. I need a distraction._

Now, Virgil had no idea about what the _fuck_ was going on. But he knew how to distract someone. He’d just have to trust them to tell him later.

_V- (2:16 PM) Did you know that octopi have 3 hearts?_

_L- (2:16 PM) What_

_P- (2:16 PM) That just means they have more love to give!_

_V- (2:17 PM) The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds_

_P- (2:17 PM) Such a good bird!_

_V- (2:17 PM) Babies do not regularly produce tears until they are 1-3 months old_

_L- (2:18 PM) Ah, I think I understand now_

_V- (2:18 PM) A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time. It stands for 1/1000th of a second_

_L- (2:18 PM) Falsehood. A jiffy is 1/100th of a second_

_V- (2:19 PM) Sorry, my hand must’ve slipped._

_L- (2:19 PM) You would be unable to walk on Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus or Neptune because they have no solid surface._

_L- (2:20 PM) An asteroid about the size of a car enters Earth’s atmosphere roughly once a year. However, it burns up before it can reach us._

_L- (2:20 PM) The highest mountain known to man is on an asteroid called Vesta. It is approximately three times the height of Mount Everest._

_P- (2:21 PM) I think they hung up. Thanks for keeping me company, Kiddos!_

_L- (2:21 PM) It was not an issue, Patton._

_V- (2:21 PM) Yeah, no problem Pat. Now can someone explain what just happened?_

_L- (2:23 PM) As you can probably tell, I am not home at the moment. Apparently, Roman’s parents decided to call him and an argument broke out. The rest is not my place to say._

Virgil bit his lip, refusing to look at his phone screen. Did Virgil have the right to ask about that. It was obviously a very sensitive topic, and Virgil had only known Roman for about 3 months now. Virgil _felt like_ he knew a lot about his 3 crushes (their quirks, their favorite sweets, their goals in life), but he knew very little about their lives _before_ Virgil had met them. Which was fine; they knew very little about Virgil’s life, too. But he _desperately_ wanted to help Roman; to make him feel happy and safe and loved. Virgil sighed, setting his phone on his nightstand. _If Princey wants to tell me what’s going on, I’ll listen. If not, I’ll just have to deal with it._

Virgil woke up from his nap to the sound of his phone going off. He blindly felt around for it, his face still firmly planted in his pillow. He finally found it, turning it on before he lifted his head to read the text. It was a private message from Princey.

_R- (3:02 PM) You’re probably wondering what happened today._

_V- (3:02 PM) I am, but you don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable. I’ll respect your privacy._

_R- (3:02 PM) As much as I appreciate that, you still deserve to know._

_R- (3:03 PM) Do you mind if I call you? This doesn’t feel like a conversation to have over text._

Virgil thought about it for a moment. He originally never wanted to call Roman, simply because he might recognize Virgil’s voice as _Anxiety’s._ However, not only was Virgil 99% confident that Roman had never even heard of _The Dark Sides,_ Virgil’s head was still foggy after his nap. Before he knew it, he was already calling Princey’s phone.

 _“Virgil?”_ Roman didn’t sound as… grand as Virgil expected. His voice was subdued and slightly hoarse, probably from the screaming match with his parents.

“Heya, Princey.” Virgil cringed at how gravelly his voice sounded. He’ll need to get some water after this conversation is over.

_“You sound so tired. Oh my stars, did I wake you up? I’m so sorry. I’ll let you get back to sleep-”_

“Princey, it’s okay. Just finished my nap. Might not talk much, but ‘m all ears.”

_“Alright. Where do I even begin?”_

“Take your time. ‘m not pressurin’ you or anythin’.”

 _“(sigh) You’re right. I guess I should start at the beginning. I grew up in a very... conservative household. My parents expected me and my sister, Rebecca, to be perfect. ReeRee was my partner in crime. We did everything together up until highschool. My parents expected me to get a football scholarship and date the hottest girl in school. I did those things, not because I wanted to, but because_ **_they_ ** _wanted me to. ReeRee was a different story. When my parents signed her up for cheerleading, she tried to join the football team instead. When they told her she should wear her hair in a ponytail, she cut it off to match mine. I didn’t understand, and it made me angry. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror; she was starting to look more and more like me, and yet each change made my parents angrier. Why was looking and acting like me a problem? I thought they_ **_liked_ ** _this version of me! One night in the summer before junior year I was really frustrated and I took it out on her. I told her to stop acting like me. I knew she didn’t deserve my anger, so I went to Patton’s place to cool down. By the time I came home, my parents refused to acknowledge that I even had a sister. I pushed her away, and now I’ll never get her back._

_After that, things changed. I was so angry, and everything I saw reminded me of her. I quit the football team, because every time I went down to the field I expected to see her. I dyed my hair, because every time I looked in the mirror I saw her staring back. I stopped caring about what my parents thought, ‘cause it was their opinions that dragged me into this mess!_

_I had already been friends with Patton since Freshman year, but me and Logan had been at each other’s_ **_throats_ ** _. We were always bickering about something, and sometimes I used our arguments to vent out my anger at whatever was wrong at the time. I didn’t even realize how much I had cared about Patton and Logan until I learned about the LGBTQ+ community. My parents were super strict, and Patton and Logan didn’t exactly flaunt their relationship. I had no idea that liking guys was even an_ **_option_ ** _. Once I learned about it, my parents quickly tried to shut it down. Everyday, they’d start their day telling me that ‘homosexuality is a sin’ and ‘God made you to be the gender you were born with!’ If they had told me that before ReeRee left, I might’ve believed them. But by this point, I didn’t care about a single thing they told me._

 _So one day, I’m arguing with Logan about who knows what, and suddenly we’re inches apart, and I remember pa saying ‘ a boy should_ **_never_ ** _kiss another boy.’ And just think, ‘Fuck it.’ And now me and Pocket Protector are suddenly making out behind the school building. Microsoft Nerd asks why the hell I decided to make out with him of all people, and I break down right there. He agreed to keep it a secret, but he refused to do anything more than a simple make-out session until he had Padre’s consent to do so. Which I understood, consent is important, cheating is bad._

_Now we’re having these ‘sessions’ at least once a week for almost 4 months. Patton eventually walked in on us and he was understandably upset. I explained what had happened and that I’ve had a crush on both of them for a while. And they’re like ‘cool, we’re polyam.’ And now I’m starting senior year dating two men, which mom and pa were not okay with. I told ‘em to fuck off and we moved away as soon as we graduated. They still call occasionally, asking when I’m gonna get my life together and get over losing ReeRee. I haven’t blocked ‘em yet in case they find her or change their minds.”_

Roman finally took a deep breath. _“Sorry about the rant. Didn’t realise how badly I needed to get that off my chest.”_

Virgil snorted. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. Told ya I’d be a good ear. And Princey?”

_“Yeah?”_

“You don’t gotta do _anything_ to impress someone else. You bein’ you is good enough. And if Rebecca could see you, I’m sure she’d be proud as hell. And don’t be ‘fraid to hit me up if you need someone other than your SOs to rant to; I’ll always be here for ya, Princey.”

 _“... Thank you, Virgil. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that until you said it.”_ He sighed, and Virgil could hear the sound of running water. _“I’m gonna go drink some water. My throat burns like a bitch right now.”_

“Same. Catch you later?”

He could hear Roman chuckle to himself. _“I guess you shall. Farewell, Storm Cloud. And pleasant dreams!”_

Virgil blushed. The way Roman said his nickname… it made Virgil’s gay heart nearly explode. He quickly hung up and buried his face back into his pillow. _I’ll get water later. AFTER my heart stops racing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, for those of you wondering about why Virgil doesn't realize that Roman and Remus are brothers, I'm gonna put a quick explanation here, 'cause I don't know how to casually fit this into the story.  
> 1.) Remus has never told Virgil his deadname or his last name. He's probably told Janus (since their pretty close) but Virgil doesn't know.  
> 2.) Remus has never told Virgil that his brother's name is Roman. Additionally, when Virgil is talking about the 3 gays, he only calls them "Pat, Lo and Princey."  
> 3.) Roman's parents didn't tell him that Remus transitioned, so he doesn't know that Rebecca now goes by Remus. Also, none of the characters have actually sent pictures of their faces, so none of them have any idea what the other looks like.  
> 4.) It is a total coincidence that both twins moved to the same town. Remus believes that Roman still lives in their hometown, and Remus could be dead for all that Roman knows. There is no logical reason for them to think "maybe Virgil's friends with my long-lost sibling"  
> 5.) Virgil would NEVER out his friends like that. He tells Janus and Remus everything, but he would NEVER betray Roman's trust like that. Same thing for telling Roman about Remus. Roman might know that Remus is trans, but he doesn't know about Remus' background.  
> ONE LAST THING: Roman and Virgil will eventually see each other face-to-face but WON'T recognize each other's voices. This is because during the phone call Virgil is still groggy from waking up and Roman is still hoarse from screaming.  
> Again I SWEAR the next chapter will have no angst. I was gonna make it Virgil angst but my poor heart can't do it. Instead, you get fluffy Virgil for an entire chapter! See you then!


	7. Happy Halloween!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, this chapter is 100% fluff. I really enjoyed writing this one so I hope you like it! I have some questions in the endnotes and it would mean a lot to me if you guys took the time to answer them. Now, on with the story!

_V- (8:04 AM) Happy first day of Halloween!_

_L- (8:05 AM) Virgil, it’s October 1st. Halloween isn’t for another 30 days._

_V- (8:05 AM) We must be celebrating different holidays. Halloween lasts from October 1st to October 31st. For the entire month, you watch cheesy Halloween movies and decorate your home in black, purple, and orange. Spiders and bats become your daily aesthetic. There are no exceptions to this rule._

_P- (8:06 AM) I have arachnophobia and most of our decorations are green. Is that alright, Kiddo?_

_V- (8:06 AM) … There is one exception._

_L- (8:07 AM) This is preposterous._

_R- (8:07 AM) Calm down, Specs. Let our Dark and Stormy Knight have his holiday. We don’t want another incident of Pi Day, do we?_

_V- (8:08 AM) What happened on Pi Day?_

_P- (8:08 AM) Logan wanted to spend the day memorizing as many digits of Pi as possible. Roman told him that Pi day was only for baking pies. Logan decided to etch as many digits of pi as he could fit into the crust of a pie before baking it. Sadly, baking isn’t Lolo’s exPIEtise._

_R- (8:09 AM) He almost burnt the house down. It was hilarious._

_L- (8:09 AM) I will back down from this argument if only to preserve my dignity. Since you decided to text us at 8 AM, I assume that you have plans to celebrate your “first day of Halloween?”_

_V- (8:10 AM) Yep. I’ve got my Scooby-Doo VHS tapes, an entire gallon of iced coffee, and enough decorations to cover every square inch of my house. Life is good._

_R- (8:11 AM) Wait which tapes?_

_V- (8:11 AM) Zombie Island, Witch’s Ghost, Alien Invaders, and Cyber Chase. The 4 best Scooby-Doo movies to ever exist._

_R- (8:12 AM) Now I REALLY wanna watch Scooby-Doo_

_V- (8:12 AM) What’s stopping you?_

_L- (8:12 AM) The desire to have a stable income_

_R- (8:13 AM) I’m starring as Van Helsing for our theatre’s production of Dracula. I’ve got rehearsals and performances almost every night._

_V- (8:13 AM) Sorry. I’ll watch it in your stead._

_R- (8:14 AM) Gee, how thoughtful of you_

* * *

_(October 8th)_

_L- (2:32 PM) Virgil, did you seriously buy MORE chocolates?_

_V- (2:32 PM) Do you like them?_

_L- (2:32 PM) That’s not the point._

_L- (2:33 PM) This is the 7th set of sweets you’ve sent us in the past 8 weeks. First of all, this is extremely unhealthy. Second of all, how much money have you spent on these? Third of all, you tend to send chocolates specifically when you’re planning something that we disapprove of. So what, pray tell, are you planning this time?_

_V- (2:34 PM) Wow, I didn’t realize you were keeping track of that._

_L- (2:34 PM) I keep track of everything. Quit ignoring the questions._

_V- (2:35 PM) Okay. First of all, if they make you happy it doesn’t matter. Second of all, if it makes you happy it doesn’t matter. Third of all, if it makes you happy it doesn’t matter :)_

_L- (2:35 PM) …_

_V- (2:35 PM) Besides, you wouldn’t want me to STOP sending you sweets, would you?_

_L- (2:36 PM) … Curse you and your knowledge of my sweets addiction._

_V- (2:36 PM) :)_

* * *

_(October 15th)_

_L- (5:47 PM) VIRGIL!_

_V- (5:48 PM) Hm?_

_L- (5:48 PM) DID YOU SERIOUSLY TP OUR HOUSE?!?!?_

_V- (5:49 PM) You have no proof_

_L- (5:50 PM) [*Photo Attachment*]_

_[The photo is of a door. There is a square of TP taped to the door, the words “VIRGIL WAS TOTALLY NOT HERE” written in sharpie]_

_V- (5:50 PM) See? I was totally not there._

_V- (5:51 PM) And I sent you pre-apology chocolates, so you can’t get mad!_

_L- (5:52 PM) I CAN STILL GET MAD_

_V- (5:52 PM) NO YOU WON’T OR I’LL STOP GETTING YOU CHOCOLATES_

_L- (5:53 PM) YOU WOULDN’T_

_V- (5:53 PM) TRY ME BITCH_

_R- (5:55 PM) I don’t know WHAT you did, but Logan called me, screeched your name, and hung up. Keep up the good work, storm cloud ;)_

* * *

_(October 22nd)_

_V- (3:42 PM) Hey Pat?_

_P- (3:42 PM) What’s up, Kiddo?_

_V- (3:42 PM) You bake, right?_

_P- (3:43 PM) It would be very hard to run a bakery if I couldn’t, Kiddo!_

_V- (3:43 PM) True_

_V- (3:43 PM) So what do you do if your cookies catch on fire?_

_P- (3:43 PM) WHAT_

_V- (3:44 PM) [*Photo Attachment*]_

_[The photo is of an oven. The door is open, and inside is a tray of Pillsbury ghost sugar cookies. They are all on fire]_

_P- (3:44 PM) PUT IT OUT_

_V- (3:44 PM) HOW_

_P- (3:45 PM) DON’T YOU HAVE A FIRE EXTINGUISHER?!?!_

_V- (3:45 PM) WON’T THAT RUIN THE COOKIES?_

_P- (3:45 PM) THOSE COOKIES ARE GONERS. ACCEPT YOUR LOSS_

_V- (3:46 PM) [*Photo attachment*]_

_[The photo is of the same oven. The door is still open, yet the entire inside of the oven is covered in foam]_

_V- (3:46 PM) Now what?_

_P- (3:46 PM) First of all, turn off the oven._

_V- (3:47 PM) Done_

_P- (3:47 PM) Okay. Now answer me this: HOW THE FUDGE DID YOU MANAGE TO CATCH PREMADE SUGAR COOKIES ON FIRE???_

_V- (3:48 PM) I DON’T KNOW! I JUST PUT THEM IN THE OVEN AND SUDDENLY THEY WERE ON FIRE_

_L- (3:48 PM) Are you alright, Virgil? Did you sustain any burns or other injuries?_

_P- (3:48 PM) HOLY STARS I SHOULD’VE ASKED! ARE YOU OKAY VIRGIL?_

_V- (3:49 PM) I’m fine. I burned my wrist but it’s not that bad._

_L- (3:49 PM) Will you please send a picture of your injury?_

_V- (3:49 PM) [*Photo attachment*]_

_[The photo is of a left hand. The hand is long, slender, and pale. The nails are long and painted black with cat noses and whiskers. The person’s wrist has a minor burn wound, around the size of a golf ball]_

_L- (3:50 PM) You are correct, Virgil. It appears to be a minor burn, no need to contact the hospital. However, I would greatly appreciate it if you tend to your burn at your earliest convenience._

_P- (3:50 PM) Go wrap up that burn, kiddo! Make sure you add burn cream, too!_

_P- (3:51 PM) AND OH MY GOSH I LOVE YOUR NAILS! They’re PAWsitively PURRfect!_

_L- (3:51 PM) Please stop_

_P- (3:52 PM) Alright. Wouldn’t wanna have a CATastrophe, would we?_

_L- (3:52 PM) Please. I beg of you._

_V- (3:53 PM) Okay, all patched up. What do I do about my cookies?_

_L- (3:53 PM) Make sure your oven has fully cooled down before attempting to clean it._

_P- (3:54 PM) AND DON’T DO THAT EVER AGAIN, MISTER!_

_P- (3:54 PM) You nearly gave me a heart attack!_

_V- (3:55 PM) Sorry, won’t happen again._

_L- (3:55 PM) I assume that this means you will be buying post-apology sweets? I assure you that it is unnecessary, Virgil. Your health and safety are more important than confectionaries._

_L- (3:57 PM) Virgil?_

_L- (3:57 PM) Please refrain from buying more sweets._

_L- (3:58 PM) I’ve already gained 3.4 pounds alone from these “Gifts”_

_V- (3:58 PM) Too late, already bought them_

_P- (3:58 PM) You don’t have to, Kiddo!_

_P- (3:59 PM) And Lolo, don’t blame V on your weight gain. I know Ro’s not the only one sneaking whole jars of jelly from the cabinets at night._

_L- (3:59 PM) Virgil, how much are you spending on these sweets?_

_V- (4:00 PM) Would it help if I said that I get a discount since I purchase chocolates almost weekly?_

_L- (4:00 PM) VIRGIL_

_V- (4:01 PM) :)_

_R- (6:58 PM) Why does all the interesting stuff happen while I’m at work?_

_V- (6:59 PM) Get wrecked Princey_

_R- (6:59 PM) :(_

_V- (7:00 PM) Don’t worry I got you sweets too_

_R- (7:00 PM) :)_

* * *

_(October 24th)_

_L- (2:32 PM) VIRGIL!_

_V- (2:33 PM) Did you get your sweets? Send me a pick! I didn’t get to see the end result_

_P- (2:33 PM) [*Photo Attachment*]_

_[The photo is of three vases, each of different colors. The light blue vase is filled with tulips made of white chocolate. There are also chocolate-covered straberry and a giant chocolate lollipop with the words “I appreciate you a chocoLOT!” The red vase is filled with milk chocolate roses and another chocolate lollipop that says “Good luck slaying Vampires!” The navy blue vase is the most elaborate (probably just to mess with Logan). It’s filled with dark chocolate tulips AND roses, with a whole jar of crofters nestled into the middle of the bouquet. It’s lollipop reads “Weight and Cost are just Numbers!”]_

_P- (2:34 PM) These are ADORABLE, Virgil!_

_L- (2:34 PM) How much did you spend on this, Virgil?_

_V- (2:34 PM) Did you not read your lollipop?_

_V- (2:35 PM) Don’t worry about it, I wouldn’t buy the chocolates if I couldn’t afford them :)_

_L- (2:35 PM) My digestive system can’t afford them._

_V- (2:36 PM) Well I couldn’t give you pre-apology chocolates so I had to give you epic post-apology chocolates._

_P- (2:37 PM) Well, I cannot wait to eat these! Seriously, I’ve already eaten half a tulip. And these vases will look so pretty holding ACTUAL flowers! Thank you so much, V! But remember, you don’t have to do this. We don’t need apology sweets!_

_V- (2:38 PM) I know, but it’s comforting to know that there’s at least ONE way I can interact with you guys beyond texting. I’m sorry that I’m still not comfortable talking face-to-face yet._

_P- (2:38 PM) That’s completely fine, Kiddo! Take all the time you need. We’ll be here when you’re ready._

_L- (2:39 PM) I agree.Though I still do not see the purpose of excessive spending on our behalf._

_R- (2:39 PM) Well I find it extremely thoughtful, storm cloud. I would type an entire ballad of how caring and kind you are, but I must get back to work. I shall speak to you tonight, my loves and fair raven._

_V- (2:40 PM) Thanks, guys. It means a lot to me._

* * *

_(October 31st)_

_L- (10:17 AM) How are you feeling about your “final day of Halloween,” Virgil?_

_V- (10:18 AM) Incredibly depressed_

_P- (10:18 AM) Aww. Why’s that, Kiddo?_

_V- (10:19 AM) You guys know how I travel around with my friends, right?_

_V- (10:19 AM) Well apparently we have to travel out today. We won’t be back until tomorrow afternoon._

_R- (10:20 AM) I’m deeply sorry, my precious stormcloud. If I may ask, why do you have to travel tonight?_

_V- (10:20 AM) My friends like to go to parties out of town, and I go to make sure they don’t get themselves killed._

_P- (10:21 AM) I’m sorry you have to miss Halloween, Kiddo. I know how much you were looking forward to it._

_V- (10:22 AM) I’m still gonna wear my costume. Just because I can’t celebrate at home doesn’t mean I can’t celebrate at all._

_L- (10:22 AM) What costume have you decided to wear?_

_V- (10:23 AM) [*Photo attachment*]_

_[Photo is the bottom half of someone’s face. They’re smiling, with black lipstick and fake Vampire teeth. There’s red liquid running down their chin.]_

_P- (10:23 AM) That looks FANGtastic, Virgil!_

_L- (10:23 AM) I hope you have an amenable experience at the party, Virgil._

_R- (10:24 AM) I agree! You look amazing and I hope you enjoy the party, storm cloud. Do not worry, I will watch The Nightmare Before Christmas in your stead!_

_V- (10:25 AM) Wow I feel so grateful_

_R- (10:25 AM) :)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, serious time. I have 2 questions for you guys to answer:  
> 1.) This next chapter will be Janus' backstory. If you haven't noticed, each character has some amount of angst that they're attempting to deal with over the course of this story. Some, like the Creativitwins, are explicitly stated and therefore easy to figure out. Others, like Logan and Patton, are much more subtle. I'm going to write a small list of everyone's problems so that way I can refer to it when having more serious interactions. Would you guys want me to post it here?  
> 2.) I asked screamingatstars in the comments, but I wanted to put it here as well. I want to write a separate series that takes place before the events of this fic. It would basically show every event that has been mentioned in passing, like Janus meeting Virgil or Logan setting the kitchen on fire. It wouldn't be in chronological order. I know that screamingatstars gave her full support, but I wanted to get more opinions before I sat down to write it. Would you guys want to read it? And are there any scenes you would like to see in particular (any specific interactions or scenarios that aren't explicitly mentioned in this fic)?


	8. Snake Boi Needs Hugs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ THE TAGS. Now that I have your attention, please read the most recent tags for this series. This chapter is extremely dark, and I'm not ashamed to say that I stopped writing half-way through it to go and take a break. This chapter is very intense, and it might not be safe for you to read. This chapter deals with depersonalization, self-harm (scratching), past body mutilation, child neglect, etc. If any of these topics have the potential to trigger you, please skip to the end. There, I have a masterlist/recap of all issues/disorders that the characters have been revealed to have up to this point. I'm not planning on having any more angst after this other than a little at the reveal. This is the worst that it's gonna get. Please be safe. If you skip down to the masterlist and something in Janus' section triggers you, DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER. I'm willing to answer any questions that you may have. Know that while most of these conversations were based off of similar events in real life, nothing in this chapter was. While I am willing to write the more... unsavory scene in the other series (you'll know the one) it would have to be specifically asked for and it would be written as a one-shot with a much harsher rating. I promise, after this there will be 3 chapters of pure fluff, but I had to get this out of the way before I accidentally bring up it up or have Janus react negatively in certain scenarios and leave you guys confused.

_ (November 9th) _

_ V- (6:24 PM) Hey guys, I’m gonna be really busy over the next few days. Probably won’t respond to texts. Nothing’s wrong, I just won’t be on my phone. _

_ P- (6:24 PM) Alright Kiddo. Stay safe, and don’t forget to eat! _

_ V- (6:25 PM) I will. I’ll text you guys when it’s over. See you then _

Virgil sighed, locking his front door. He began his long walk to Janus’ house. This was one of those few times where he wished that he owned his own car. He sighed, adjusting his backpack. While normally Virgil would ask Janus or Remus to pick him up, Janus’ birthday was in 2 days. That’s why Virgil was making this journey in the first place. Sometimes, Janus spent his birthday like an excited 8-year-old, ordering a 3 tier cake and enough glitter to cover the entire house. Sometimes Janus was clingy: wanting to cuddle on the couch with Remus, watch shitty romcoms and drink enough booze to fill a river. But sometimes…

Virgil shook his head. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be one of  _ those  _ birthdays. He knocked on the door. There was a muffled curse before the door was swung open. Remus stood there, slightly panting. His hair was all over the place, and he was wearing what looked like his pajamas from the day before. Virgil bit down the urge to say “you look like shit.” Instead, he just nodded his head and stepped into the house. He followed Remus into the old study (Janus never came in here any other time of year) and found Janus hunched over his desk, writing something down. But what drew in Virgil’s attention were the wrist-length yellow gloves on his hands.  _ So it’s one of THOSE birthdays. _

Virgil's mind flashed to the day he met Janus, the yellow gloves brushing his hair back. Janus had been given those gloves by his father for his 18th birthday. Other than to bathe, Janus never took them off until months after his parents died. It took a lot of time and effort to convince Janus that he didn’t need those gloves, especially since they were the only present that his father had ever given him. After they started performing as The Dark Sides, Janus had bought himself a pair of yellow elbow-length gloves. He only wore the elbow-length gloves when he was Deceit, and he  _ never  _ wore the wrist-length gloves.

Virgil shook his head, stepping further into the room. Janus has yet to look up. Virgil stepped around the desk, knowing that he wouldn’t acknowledge Virgil even if he spoke up. He read the first line, frowning at what he saw.

_ “Dear Mother and Father,” _

Virgil looked up at Remus, giving him a nod. Remus left the room. It would be beneficial for Remus to go, since he knew the house better than Virgil. While Remus went to lock up anything potentially dangerous, Virgil kept an eye on Janus. He took a seat in the armchair in the corner of the study, positioned specifically for Virgil to have a perfect view of both Janus and the door. They sat there for several hours, the sound Janus’ pen the only sound between them. Virgil’s eyes never left Janus, knowing what would happen if he looked away for too long. Janus abruptly stood up, neatly folding up the 20-something pages of letters and throwing them away. Virgil stood up, following Janus into the dining room. He couldn’t see Remus- he was probably sleeping. There was a pile of sandwiches on the table (turkey with tomato and mayonnaise, crustless. Janus’ favorite) along with 2 plastic cups and bottled water. Virgil pulled back a chair, and Janus numbly sat down, posture perfectly straight. Virgil gave Janus a cup of water and half of a sandwich before sitting down. They ate in silence. Two bites into his third sandwich, Janus stood up. Virgil followed. They walked upstairs, Virgil glancing at the clock on the wall.  _ 12:13 AM. Earlier than usual.  _ Virgil followed Janus into the master bedroom, finding Remus passed out on the edge of the bed. He watched as Janus changed into his pajamas, currently having no sense of decency. He kept his gloves on as he lay in bed, facing the ceiling with eyes wide open. Virgil sat on the couch near the bed, his gaze never wavering. They sat there for several more hours, neither moving an inch. When Virgil’s alarm went off (vibrate only, no loud noises) at 4 AM, Virgil got up to wake Remus. They quickly changed positions, with Remus sitting on the couch and Virgil curling up on the bed. He noticed Janus’ eyes fluttering shut and he drifted off soon after.

He woke up to Remus shaking him at 9:30. He silently got up, giving Remus a quick nod before slipping out of the room. He went to a separate bedroom to change before hurrying down to the kitchen. He made a batch of blueberry muffins (they couldn’t eat anything that required silverware, not after the first time) and went about cleaning up the sandwiches from last night. By 10:30, the muffins had cooled down, and Virgil could hear Janus and Remus making their way downstairs. Virgil quickly put the muffins on the table and checked to make sure he wasn’t covered in any ingredients (when he was like this, Janus would forget that he fired his servants years ago). Virgil quickly sat down, glancing up just as Janus walked in. 

He was wearing a crisp business suit, his gloves still in place. Virgil watched as Remus got Janus situated, planting a quick kiss on the side of his face. Virgil let a ghost of a smile flicker onto his face; even when Janus was like  _ this,  _ Remus still absolutely adored him. That smile quickly fled when he realized  _ where  _ Remus had kissed him. A long, horrid scar rested on Janus’ face, stretching from temple to chin. Janus tended to paint that half of his face with scales when playing Deceit, if only to cover it up. Another flashback appeared, this time of Janus two weeks after his parents died. They were eating steak, and they thought Janus was  _ finally  _ opening back up and suddenly  _ there was so much blood and Virgil took the knife away as Janus kept clawing at his face and make it stop make it stop- _

A hand on his shoulder pulled him back roughly. Virgil looked up to see Remus peering down at him, a look of not-quite pity on his face. Virgil quickly shook his head, turning back to the muffin on his plate. He didn’t feel hungry anymore.

Today played out much like the day before, with Janus hunched over his desk writing letters. Virgil and Remus each took turns watching him while the other slept or prepared meals. That night, Remus took the first shift while Virgil went to sleep. He woke up at around 2 AM to Janus  _ screaming.  _ He quickly bolted up, taking in the situation. Remus was now sitting on Janus’ lap, keeping his legs down as he pinned his arms to his sides. Janus arched his back, his face red but no open cuts to be seen (that’s at least one good thing about those damned gloves). Remus looked close to  _ tears,  _ and Virgil quickly grabbed one of Janus’ arms, allowing Remus to focus on the other. They sat there for several minutes, praying for Janus to calm down. He eventually passed out, a combination of exhaustion and lack of air from screaming keeping him asleep. Virgil took up his shift early, letting Remus lie down. Neither slept for the rest of the night.

The next day, they had some strawberry muffins and contemplated what would happen today. It was now November 11th, Janus’ birthday, and neither friend had a single clue about what would happen today. They watched as Janus got up and grabbed his coat from the living room. Remus kept watch while Virgil hurried upstairs, grabbing his backpack. He quickly ran back downstairs, giving one last nod to Remus before Janus slipped out of the house. Virgil would go with Janus while Remus cleaned up the house and got some sleep.

Virgil followed Janus as they walked through the gardens, already knowing where they were heading. They walked down this path constantly after the funeral, and by now Virgil had it memorized. While they walked, Virgil quietly opened his bag and brought out a bouquet of fake flowers. He handed Janus the bouquet as they reached the grave. It was an elaborate headstone, with angels etched around the words:

_ “Here lies David and Mary Williams. October 8th, 1961 to November 11th, 2014. December 4th, 1962 to November 11th, 2014. Lovers, parents, and friends to all that met them.” _

Virgil scowled at the headstone as Janus kneeled over the grave.  _ Even after 6 years, these bastards still hurt him.  _ They stayed there for a few hours, no sounds beyond the birds chirping in the distance. Janus eventually got up, dropping the flowers and making his way back to the house. Virgil followed, silently checking Janus for any sign of emotion. His face was perfectly blank, with no signs of crying or distress. They reached the house at around 2 PM and Virgil was slightly surprised when Janus made a beeline for the ballroom. He nudged Remus awake as they passed the living room, pulling him off the couch before following Janus. They could hear the slow sounds of some waltz as Janus turned on the old gramophone in the corner of the room. Janus then stood there, staring at the floor as if it could tell him what to do. Remus quickly walked up and put a hand on Janus’ waist, using his other to clasp Janus’ own hand. Janus looked up, and for the first time in 3 days, he looked like he actually saw  _ Remus,  _ not a stranger. 

They slowly danced around the room, and to Virgil they looked more intimate than he’d  _ ever  _ seen them. There was groping, no dirty secrets whispered between each other, just dancing. Dancing with open and honest looks on their faces, speaking in a language that Virgil’s pretty sure he’ll never learn. The way that Remus furrowed his brow every few minutes, the subtle squeezing of Janus’ hands.  _ This  _ was the spark that they shared, and Virgil knew that he would never be able to have this type of moment with them. They were so obviously in love, and he wished that moments like this happened more often, that they were able to be like this  _ without  _ one of them being emotionally compromised or vulnerable.

Eventually, the record stopped, and with it all of Janus’ self-control. He flung himself around Remus’ neck, and Virgil could hear the muffled sob from across the room. Remus gently lowered them to the ground, rubbing his back and whispering something that Virgil couldn’t hear. Remus looked up and made eye contact with Virgil, silent tears streaming down his face.  _ Go,  _ his look said,  _ I’ll take care of him.  _ Virgil nodded, going to make dinner.

The next day, Virgil was happy to see Janus sitting on the couch, curled up against Remus, and watching cheesy rom coms. He glanced down and noticed that the gloves were nowhere to be found. Virgil smiled, going to take a seat on Janus’ other side. He glanced over at Remus as he made some snarky remark. Yes, they were still broken. Yes, they still had moments where they lost all hope. But they also had  _ each other.  _ They were  _ family,  _ and that was all Virgil ever wanted.

  
  
  


Here is the masterlist of issues and/or disorders that the characters, in order of relevance to the story:

Remus-  Remus is a transgender male with the deadname Rebecca. His parents were very controlling and manipulative. They refused to acknowledge that he transitioned, so he ran away at age 16. He hasn’t talked to his family since. In retaliation to how transphobic and homophobic his parents were, Remus developed a very vulgar mindset. He tells everyone that he meets about how he’s trans and very gay for Janus. He never talks about his life before he met Janus and Virgil unless he’s extremely drunk. Remus developed his persona of the Duke to help combat his gender dysphoria and intrusive thoughts. The Duke is much more vulgar but less likely to admit that he’s trans. He currently lives with Janus (and a good distance away from his hometown). He has lived there for almost 7 years, has been a member of The Dark Sides for 5 years, and has been in a relationship with Janus for 4 years.

Roman- Roman is Remus’ twin. When Remus (still being called Rebecca at the time) was trying to discover himself, he began to look and act similarly to Roman. He was punished for this (since their parents were transphobic) and Roman’s low self-esteem combined with Remus’ punishments caused Roman to lash out at Remus the day before he came out to their parents. Roman is unaware that Remus transitioned and blames himself for pushing “Rebecca” away. Roman began to lash out against his parents and started a secret relationship with Logan in order to combat their homophobia (that’s what he told himself. He also had a massive crush on both Logan and Patton). When Patton found out, they briefly argued before getting together in a polyamorous relationship. They coincidentally moved to the same town that Remus did soon after graduating high school. Roman still suffers from extreme guilt at the loss of Rebecca and is occasionally harassed by his parents over the phone. Roman has been in the poly relationship for almost 8 years and has lived in his current house for 6 years.

Janus- Was emotionally neglected at a young age by his rich parents. They were always screaming at each other and him behind closed doors. He was taught to never show that his life was less than perfect, so by 19 he was a compulsive liar. He met Virgil during one of his depressive (and slightly suicidal) episodes and decided to take him in. He met and took in Remus 4 months after meeting Virgil. His parents were neglectful to the point where they didn’t realize that they were housing two other teenagers. On Janus’ 20th birthday, both of his parents died in a car crash. He immediately fired all of his staff and went into an extreme depression. Two weeks after his death, he self-harmed and mutilated his face with a steak knife, leaving him with a horrible scar. He has gotten a lot better over the years, though he tends to depersonalize and potentially self-harm on the days leading up to his birthday. He uses the persona of Deceit to separate his compulsive lying from his actual personality. You can never tell when Deceit is lying (and half the time, neither can he). Janus is less of a compulsive liar now, but he’s still extremely sarcastic and will slip into his Deceit persona when he feels vulnerable. Same timestamps as Remus, though he’s lived in this town his entire life.

Virgil-  Virgil has never known his birth parents, his mother dying when he was 3 months old and his dad nowhere to be seen. He never had a stable home, having bounced around the foster system until he was kicked out at 18. He met Janus soon after, who took him in. Virgil has always had a knack for music and art, but he was never able to fully develop his talents until Remus suggested they form a band. He cooked for Janus and Remus before he moved out, since neither of them had needed to cook for themselves before they met each other. Virgil never felt he earned anything for himself until he started earning money from The Dark Sides. Because of this (and the fact that he has an  _ insane  _ amount of money now), Virgil likes to spoil his crushes with big, elaborate gifts (he can’t spoil Janus or Remus because Janus is richer than Virgil will  _ ever  _ be and Remus is already spoiled by Janus). When Janus and Remus got together they offered for Virgil to join their relationship. He declined, quickly noticing that their relationship with each other is deeper and more intimate than anything that he could ever have with them. Virgil uses the persona of Anxiety to combat his, you guessed it, anxiety. Anxiety is suave and confident, though Virgil only slips into his persona when either flirting or at a Dark Sides-related event. Virgil has the same timestamps as Janus, though he never joined Janus’ relationship with Remus.

Patton- Patton has always had mild depression. He gets depressive episodes at least once a month. He’s never been suicidal, but he becomes very self-deprecating during more intense episodes. He usually turns to one of the others for a distraction. Patton grew up next door to Logan, and they got together when they were 12. They kept their relationship a secret until Patton found Logan making out with Roman 5 years later. It hurt him a lot and he still fears that they’ll leave one day for someone else. Patton has been in a relationship with Logan for nearly 13 years, Roman joined them 8 years ago, and they’ve lived in the same house for 6 years.

Logan- Logan doesn’t have any issues or disorders to note, other than he’s really tired. He’s helped Patton through his depression for as long as he can remember, and he helps Roman through his issues of guilt and anger (Patton’s self-deprecating thoughts tend to increase when Roman is upset). Logan is calm and collected. He’s the only one in this series who’s been to college, and will soon earn his master's degree in astronomy. They actually decided to move to this town due to its college’s astronomy program. Logan is the one who deals with budgeting and scheduling, hence why he’s annoyed with Virgil spending so much money on them. All of his timestamps are the same as Patton’s.


	9. Snake Boi Gets Hugs (Mini Chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before posting that last chapter, I already had plans for me and SomewhatVacant to give Janus the hug that he deserves. It was going to go in the Chrismas chapter (now scheduled for chapter 10). However, I needed hugs NOW, so you guys get TWO chapters today! Hooray!
> 
> BTW, if you're confused as to why Janus needs hugs or why I call Virgil "Anxiety" throughout this entire chapter, please refer to the masterlist/recap at the end of the last chapter. 
> 
> Oh, and if I got any of your pronouns wrong SomewhatVacant, let me know. I've never written a character with ze/zim/zir pronouns, and I'll gladly fix it if needed.

Anxiety smirked over the rim of his cup, watching the scene play out. It had been almost a week since Janus’ birthday, and Thomas had wanted them to perform at a charity event a few cities over. Why he wanted them to perform the Sunday before Thanksgiving, instead of an earlier event, Anx had no idea. They had just performed a little over an hour ago, and now they were doing pictures, autographs, and merch sales. All proceeds went to said charity, of course. Even if they were dead broke, The Dark Sides weren’t going to perform for a children’s charity and  _ not  _ donate. So here he was, sipping some soda and watching as two people made a beeline for Deceit.

“Hi!” the first one squealed, clutching a  _ Dark Sides _ poster in her hand. “I’m Emy, she/her! And this is my friend, Jay! We’re huge fans!”

“Hey,” the other one said, also holding a poster. “I’m Jay, ze/zir.”

“Well hello to you as well.” Deceit practically purred out, causing Anxiety to roll his eyes.  _ Always one for dramatics.  _ “What can we do for you today?”

Emy smiled, nudging Jay forward. “While I’m personally a huge Anxiety fan, Jay’s a huge fan of yours and has something ze’d like to say.”

Jay scowled at zir friend before turning to Deceit. “I just wanted to say that you’ve been a huge inspiration these past few years. Your music has helped me accept who I am, and your contributions to this charity just prove how awesome you are. Thank you. You’re an amazing person!” With that, ze pulled Deceit into a hug. Anxiety stood up, ready to intervene if ze made Deceit uncomfortable. He was surprised when he saw Deceit (no, his face was too unguarded, that was  _ Janus _ ) smile, hugging zim back.

Emy stepped up to Anxiety. “I’m also a huge fan, but I don’t really do hugs. Handshake?”

Anxiety smirked again, shaking Emy’s hand. They talked for a minute before Janus (he hadn’t fully slipped back into his persona, Anxiety noticed) and Jay broke apart, both with wide grins and misty eyes. They quickly asked for autographs and pictures before their time ran out, and Anxiety watched as Janus slowly turned back into Deceit. And if Deceit smiled a little wider, or Janus had a sudden spring in his step on the way back to the hotel?

Well, it wasn’t any of his business, now, was it?


	10. Merry Christmas!

_P- (10:00 AM) Happy First Day of Christmas!_

_R- (10:01 AM) On the First Day of Christmas my true love gave to me_

_R- (10:01 AM) A Partridge in a Pear Tree_

_V- (10:02 AM) Okay first of all the 12 days of Christmas are December 25th to January 5th. The partridge is supposed to represent Jesus, whose birthday marks the 1st day._

_V- (10:02 AM) Second of all, why isn’t Logan pointing out that Christmas is in 24 days, like he did with me for Halloween?_

_L- (10:03 AM) No comment._

_R- (10:03 AM) Didn’t strike you for the religious type, storm cloud. And Logan won’t say anything because he gets a homemade chocolate Christmas calendar._

_V- (10:04 AM) I had a very religious English teacher. And seriously, Lo? I gave you chocolate weekly and you STILL reprimanded my “Days of Halloween” until the chocolate bouquet. How much chocolate are they giving you?_

_L- (10:04 AM) No. Comment._

_P- (10:05 AM) [*Photo attachment*]_

_[The photo is of a giant wooden calendar leading up to December 25th. It’s painted white with red doors covering the days. It’s obviously been used for many years. The 1st day is open, and there is a gallon-sized container of truffles next to the calendar. The container is half-empty]_

_V- (10:06 AM) L, please tell me you didn’t just eat half that container of truffles in 5 minutes._

_L- (10:06 AM) NO. COMMENT._

_R- (10:06 AM) He did it in 3._

_L- (10:06 AM) TRAITOR!_

_V- (10:07 AM) IF YOU’RE THAT ADDICTED TO CHOCOLATE WHY WERE YOU MAD ABOUT THE BOUQUETS?!?!_

_L- (10:07 AM) BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE YOU SPENT $150 ON THEM!_

_V- (10:07 AM) IT WAS $118!_

_P- (10:08 AM) Kiddo, you don’t have to spend that much money on us!_

_V- (10:08 AM) I know, but it makes me really happy to spoil you guys!_

_V- (10:08 AM) Speaking of which, what do you guys want for Christmas?_

_R- (10:09 AM) Give us a moment_

_R- (10:09 AM) Last time you asked this I jokingly said “Katana” and you actually BOUGHT ONE_

_R- (10:09 AM) Now we actually have to think about what we want._

Virgil snorted, pocketing his phone. He didn’t have anything planned for today, so he went about sketching. He decided to do some elaborate snowflakes, each with their own unique design. He felt his phone go off several times in a row, so he quickly picked it up and scrolled through Princey’s rant.

_R- (10:15 AM) We have made our decisions_

_R- (10:15 AM) Patton would like one of your more elaborate sketches. Something that makes you smile. If you need to buy him something, he would greatly appreciate some new cooking supplies or some stuffed animals._

_R- (10:15 AM) Logan would like a new telescope. His original one broke a few days ago and he hasn’t found the time to get a new one. Some chocolate would also be appreciated._

_R- (10:15 AM) And I would like a new set of headphones and anything Disney related._

_R- (10:16 AM) But if you are going to buy anything for us, please let us return the favor. I understand your desire to not meet, but the thought of you giving us gifts with nothing in return is pure torture._

Virgil bit his lip, a habit he’d quickly developed after he met these guys. He’s already known them for over 6 months, and they’ve shown no signs of recognizing him or trying to use him. In fact, they’ve done the exact opposite. They respect his want to remain faceless; and while they do like the gifts that he gives them, they discourage him from spending more than he’s comfortable with (what they don’t realize is that he’d try and buy them the world if they asked for it). Virgil sighed (another habit that he's started partaking in more and more) and sent a quick response.

_V- (10:17 AM) If I send you my address, do you promise to not try and come over while I’m home?_

_R- (10:17 AM) We swear on our honor that we will only visit when you are not home, and even then it will be to deliver gifts._

Before Virgil could second-guess himself, he already had his address in the group chat.

_P- (10:18 AM) I didn’t realize you lived in the same city as us, Kiddo!_

_L- (10:18 AM) Indeed. I have also yet to meet anyone in this city named Virgil._

_V- (10:19 AM) Yeah, I don’t really get out much and even then I don’t share my name._

_R- (10:19 AM) Well, now that we have a place to send gifts, here comes the question: what would you like for Christmas, JDelightful?_

_V- (10:21 AM) I mean, new art supplies would be nice. If it helps, I love Nightmare Before Christmas and my favorite colors are black and purple_

_R- (10:21 AM) Alright, Storm Cloud. We’ll let you know when we’re ready to deliver your gifts!_

* * *

_(December 18th)_

“Remus, Darling, what is that _monstrosity_ in your hands?”

Virgil looked up from his map. They were currently in Aventura Mall, the largest shopping mall in Florida. They liked to come here every year for Christmas shopping, and they had a small set of stores that they went to each time. But Virgil had a longer list this year, so he needed a map to tell him where the other stores were. In front of him stood Janus and Remus. Remus appeared to be holding a pile of condiments. “It’s a hotdog,” he said. He took a bite out of the top, clearly missing the hotdog. Virgil noticed that the inside of the condiment pile was white, and he couldn’t tell if it was mayonnaise, marshmallow fluff, sour cream, or whipped cream. Knowing Remus, it could be any of them, or even a combination of the four. Virgil suddenly wasn’t curious anymore, or hungry.

“Come on, the first store’s just up ahead.” They made their way to the first store, which had one of Virgil’s gifts for Patton.

“Virgil, why are we stopping here? It’s not like we have a very specific set of stores we visit every year.”

Virgil’s eyes were suddenly glued to the sale in front of him, his cheeks bright red. “I just have a few more items on my list this year, that’s all.”

“Oh? May we see?” Virgil nodded, covering the section for Janus and Remus’ gifts before showing them his list.

They stared at the list for a while before Remus burst into giggles. “You really are their Sugar Daddy, aren’t ya?”

Virgil’s face grew even redder, if possible. He quickly turned back to the sale, grabbing what he wanted before making a beeline to the next aisle. “Shut up, Remus. I just like buying stuff for them, that’s all.”

“Right, and that’s _definitely not_ the literal definition of a Sugar Daddy.” Janus replied, picking up one of the items in fake interest. Virgil _was_ going to respond, he really was, but he got a text and he’d rather talk to his crushes than try and explain himself to these knuckleheads.

_P- (2:36 PM) Hey, Kiddo! Are you home right now?_

_V- (2:37 PM) No, I’m at the mall right now. Probably won’t be home until around 8._

_P- (2:37 PM) Alright, just wondering! Have a nice time!_

Virgil fondly rolled his eyes, going back to the items on his list. The list wasn’t long enough for 5 hours worth of shopping, but Janus will probably want him to come over after their trip. Speaking of Janus, Virgil tuned out the giggling idiots behind him. He’d try and dissuade them from making “Sugar Daddy” comments later; right now, he needed to compare these prices.

Just as Virgil expected, they finished shopping at around 5 and Janus insisted that Virgil stay over for a while. Virgil tried to be as dramatic as possible, summoning his inner Princey as he ‘begrudgingly’ agreed to come over. They hung out for a few more hours, making snarky comments and discussing Virgil’s new “Sugar Daddy” title. Time flew by and before Virgil knew it, he was getting a text from Patton.

_P- (7:34 PM) Hey, Kiddo! I just dropped off a box on your back porch. It has wrapped presents from the three of us and my homemade chicken n’ dumplings! I hope you enjoy them (we’re eating them on Christmas Eve) and don’t open your presents until Christmas morning! Hope you like them, Kiddo!_

_V- (7:35 PM) I’m sure I will, Patton. Thank you_

_P- (7:35 PM) No problem, Kiddo!_

Virgil asked Janus to give him a ride home and sure enough, a large box stood on his back porch. Inside were three wrapped gifts and a closed Tupperware container. Virgil quickly brought the box inside, putting the container in the fridge and the presents under the tree. The three presents were the same size, with red, blue or silver wrapping paper. It was quite obvious who each gift was from, and they were probably all in the same standard boxes. Virgil smiled, going to wrap presents for his crushes.

* * *

_(December 25th)_

Virgil woke up to his alarm going off at 10 AM. Which was weird, since he almost always woke up before his alarm went off. His mind went back to last night, with the heavenly taste of chicken n’ dumplings and enough Christmas puns to send Virgil back into a giggle-fest. He slowly got up, meandering his way out to the living room. He quickly sent a text to the group chat.

_V- (10:02 AM) Merry Christmas, guys_

_P- (10:02 AM) MERRY CHRISTMAS, KIDDO!_

_R- (10:02 AM) MERRY CHRISTMAS, STORM CLOUD!_

_L- (10:03 AM) Merry Christmas, Virgil._

_R- (10:03 AM) Now that you’re up, we can open our presents!_

_V- (10:03 AM) How long have you guys been up?_

_L- (10:04 AM) They both woke up at 6 AM. I convinced them to wait for you to wake naturally before opening presents, since most of these gifts were from you._

_V- (10:04 AM) Alright, then. Let’s get to opening these gifts._

Virgil decided to wait until the others opened their gifts before opening his. He already knew what he got them, but he had no idea what they got from each other.

_R- (10:10 AM) [*Photo Attachment*]_

_[The photo is of a wrapping paper massacre. In the center of the massacre are a set of gifts. The first one is a red pillow with the name ROMAN embroidered in gold letters, probably from Patton. The next gift is a book about the history of musicals, most likely from Logan. Virgil had gotten him a sleek set of headphones and a stack of Disney t-shirts. The headphones were red with gold stars on the ears and the word PRINCEY written in silver.]_

_P- (10:11 AM) [*Photo Attachment*]_

_[The photo is also of a wrapping paper massacre with several presents. There were two Winnie the Pooh posters from Roman and a new cookbook from Logan. From Virgil, there was a set of stainless steel cookware, a light blue stuffed dog, and 4 of Virgil's snowflake sketches. Each snowflake had small details that pertained to a specific person, such as crowns, hearts, stars, and storm clouds.]_

_L- (10:12 AM) [*Photo Attachment*]_

_[The photo has all of the wrapping paper neatly set off to the side. There was a navy blue pillow with Logan's name embroidered in silver from Patton. There were several posters of different galaxies from Roman. Virgil had gotten him a large metal telescope and several boxes of chocolate. The telescope was navy blue with silver accents.]_

_P- (10:12 AM) I LOVE THESE! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!_

_R- (10:12 AM) THESE ARE FANTASTIC! YOU ALL HAVE MY DEEPEST GRATITUDE._

_L- (10:13 AM) I also appreciate the gifts, but VIRGIL HOW MUCH DID YOU SPEND?_

_V- (10:13 AM) No comment ;)_

_P- (10:14 AM) Did you open your presents, Kiddo?_

Virgil turned back to the three boxes, an anxious pit in his stomach. What _did_ they get him? He carefully unwrapped each present. Like he suspected, each present was a standard cardboard box that was taped shut. He turned to Logan's present first. The box contained a new set of art supplies and a sketch pad with a dark purple cover. The first page had a note that read:

_"I sincerely enjoy your drawings. The one of the night skies was particularly pleasing. I look forward to seeing more of your art in the future. - Logan"_

Virgil blushed at the compliment, turning to Roman's gift. Inside were several Nightmare Before Christmas posters and plushies, with a note explaining that he had bought the posters back in August because _"they reminded me of you, storm cloud."_

Blushing even more, Virgil turned to Patton's present. When he first opened the box, it looked like a pile of fabric. When he picked it up, however, he was shocked. It was a black hoodie with hand-sewn purple patches. The name “Virgil” was embroidered into one of the patches. Virgil immediately put it on. It was loose and slightly baggy, different from the tight black jacket that he wore as _Anxiety._ He loved it. Virgil went to text a response when he saw something sticking out of the hoodie pocket. He grabbed the note and felt tears forming in his eyes. It was actually a card, the front saying UR FAM. The inside had a giant heart with the letters ILY. Virgil knew that it was just a pun on family, that this wasn’t actually a confession of love, but a tiny part of him hoped that this meant what he thought it meant.

But he would never tell them that. No, the _last_ thing he wanted was to ruin their friendship. He shakily grabbed his phone and blindly pressed _send photo,_ wanting to send a picture of the gifts like they did. As he angled the camera to show off all of the gifts, he started muttering to himself. _“God,_ these are perfect. It’s all perfect. Goddammit, Virgil, stop crying.” He quickly took the photo and hit send, still misty-eyed from the gifts. Sure, he had gotten gifts from Janus and Remus, but they had never sent such personal gifts, much less heartfelt notes! He quickly wiped his eyes when he felt his phone buzz. He went to check the messages when he felt his heart stop. “Oh _Shit.”_

_V- (10:19 AM) [*Video Sent*]_

_P- (10:20 AM) Virgil, sweety, why are you crying?_

_L- (10:20 AM) I believe that Virgil is feeling “emotional.”_

_R- (10:21 AM) That’s alright, Storm Cloud. There’s nothing wrong with crying when you’re happy! You are happy, right?_

Virgil had sent a _video._ Where he bawled his eyes out and muttered nonsense to the camera. God, Virgil had never wanted to stop existing more than he did now.

_V- (10:21 AM) I’m happy, Princey. Embarrassed, but definitely happy._

_R- (10:22 AM) No need to feel embarrassed, my Raven. After all, you’ve given us so much over the past few months. Knowing that our gifts made you THAT happy is… quite nice. We care about you, Virgil. It’s nice to be able to show you in ways beyond words._

_V- (10:23 AM) Thanks, guys. It means a lot to me._

_L- (10:23 AM) It was no issue, Virgil. Now, weren’t you planning on going to your friend’s house today?_

_V- (10:24 AM) Yeah, I should be going soon. Thanks guys, and Merry Christmas_

_L- (10:24 AM) Merry Christmas, Virgil._

_P- (10:24 AM) Merry Christmas, Kiddo!_

_R- (10:24 AM) Merry Christmas, Storm Cloud!_


	11. Protective Snek meets Tired Boi (With Flowers!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot has happened since yesterday. pinkie2054 married this fic (AnEmoNamedAlex was the pastor, I was the flower girl), I'm no longer on speaking terms with a good friend of mine, and we've reached over 200 kudos and 1600 hits! So, I decided to post the prequel series a few days early! I hope you enjoy it!

_(Jan 2nd)_

_V- (10:20 AM) Hey Pat, what do you want for your birthday?_

_P- (10:21 AM) I don’t need anything big, Kiddo. Just another drawing from you would be amazing :)_

_V- (10:21 AM) Is there nothing that you would be happy with me buying you?_

_P- (10:22 AM) Well, I like flowers!_

_L- (10:22 AM) No you don’t. None of us have gardening skills and you cry every time they wilt._

_P- (10:22 AM) I still like them! We’ll just have to try harder this time!_

Virgil thought for a few minutes before smirking. He exited the chat and opened up a chat with Janus and Remus.

_V- (10:23 AM) Do either of you have the staff contacts from that charity event 2 months ago?_

_J- (10:23 AM) Perhaps_

_Re- (10:23 AM) Y the hell do you want them?_

_V- (10:24 AM) Do you remember the flowers that they were selling? I want to contact whoever they bought them from._

_J- (10:24 AM) You mean like the one that Remus bought for me?_

_V- (10:25 AM) Yes, but less obscene colors._

_Re- (10:25 AM) Wait let me guess_

_Re- (10:26 AM) “Princey’s” birthday was in July and “Lo” doesn’t seem like the flower type, so this is for “Pat,” isn’t it?_

_V- (10:26 AM) Do you have the fucking contact or not?_

_J- (10:27 AM) Even better. I have the address_

_V- (10:27 AM) Why the fuck do you have the address?_

_J- (10:27 AM) Remus TOTALLY didn’t break the original flower as soon as we got home._

_Re- (10:28 AM) HEY! I tripped on YOUR stupid rug and it happened to end up crushed underneath me!_

_J- (10:28 AM) LEAVE THE RUG OUT OF THIS!_

Virgil chuckled, eventually breaking up their argument so he could get the phone number and address. Once he had it, he called the shop and ordered a custom-made bouquet. They told him that it would be ready for pick-up in 2 weeks. He turned back to his crush’s chat.

_V- (10:29 AM) Just finished ordering your gift._

_P- (10:29 AM) What is it?!_

_V- (10:30 AM) It’s a surprise! Oh, and do you still have the vase that your chocolate bouquet was in?_

_P- (10:30 AM) Yeah, why?_

_V- (10:30 AM) You may wanna have it empty on your birthday :)_

* * *

_(January 16th)_

“So, where are we going?” Remus asked, chugging the rest of his Pepsi.

“To get Virgil’s flowers, darling. We’ve been over this.” Janus replied, adjusting his rearview mirror. Virgil laid in the back, fast asleep. Janus sighed. Virgil never got enough sleep, in his opinion. It was difficult to get Virgil fully asleep by 4 AM, and even then he was usually awake by 9 AM. Ever since he met his new “crushes,” Virgil _had_ been getting better with his sleeping habits ( _“Lo’s been trying to rope me into their sleeping schedule,” Virgil had admitted with a blush_ ); but he still didn’t sleep enough, in Janus’ humble opinion.

Speaking of crushes, Janus focused his eyes on the empty road as he thought about the three men who had stolen his best friend's heart. Pat, Lo, and Princey, Virgil called them. Not much to work with in terms of name, and no physical characteristics either. Janus was halfway convinced to stalk them (he knew where they lived, after all) but the thought of Virgil hating him for it shut up those thoughts immediately. Virgil already dealt with a ton of Janus bullshit without complaint, the least he could do is honor Virgil’s wish to keep his crushes anonymous. Even though Janus had no physical description to work off of, Virgil's offhand comments were enough for Janus to paint a decent picture of them.

"Princey," the first one that Virgil met. Extremely dramatic, probably light-headed and egotistical. The one that Janus ordered a katana for. A fucking _katana._ Why would he want a katana of all things? And those _nicknames._ His nicknames for Virgil were worse than Remus’, and _that’s_ saying something. Though he was kind to Virgil in their interactions; at least, that’s what Virgil told him. Janus would have to keep a close eye on this one.

“Pat,” the one they were going to pick up flowers for. The so-called “Dad Friend” of the group. Called Virgil “Kiddo.” Mother-henned the _shit_ out of him. Even though Virgil was their Sugar Daddy, Janus wouldn’t be surprised if they called Pat “Daddy” in bed. On the other hand, some of the things that Virgil said spoke otherwise. Pat’s love of stuffed animals, his goofy puns, his opinion against swearing; he sounded like a child in an adult body. An oxymoron, and someone that Janus will _also_ have to keep an eye on.

And “Lo.” Possibly the one that Janus trusted the _least_ out of the trio. Extremely serious. Chocolate addict. Has a fucking _sleep schedule_ for his boyfriends. Probably a control freak. Works part-time at the library. Goes to the local college. More interested in space than the world around him. Probably even _more_ egotistical than Princey. Spends the majority of his time arguing with others or chastising Virgil for spending money on them. Most likely to upset Virgil. One that Janus would _definitely_ be keeping an eye on.

His grip on the steering wheel tightened. He would _not_ let them hurt Virgil. And if they somehow did, well…

Some of Father’s old associates could still prove useful. They at least knew how to hide a body. Or three.

* * *

_(January 17th)_

Janus triple-checked the address, making sure that he was at the right house. Virgil had needed a safe way to ship these flowers to Pat’s house without Pat finding out OR one of his crushes seeing his face. So, Janus agreed to be his delivery boy. It made sense; Deceit wore the most makeup AND he hissed every other line, so it was near impossible to be recognised out-of-costume. And if Janus got a good look at Virgil’s crushes… well, Virgil wasn’t here now, was he? Janus set the bouquet on the middle of the porch; far enough for the person to not accidentally knock it over on their way outside, but close enough to where it would be noticed and not accidentally fall off the edge. He tapped the door three times with the back of his knuckles and quickly turned around, making a beeline for his car. He intended on getting a glimpse of the man’s face as he drove away, hopefully seeing enough to be able to spot him off the college roster-

“Wait!” Janus stopped dead in his tracks. He didn’t expect him to be _that_ fast. There was a moment of silence before Janus heard a sigh. “You’re not Virgil, are you?”

He smirked. “Yes, I’m _definitely_ Virgil. I just decided to knock on your door and increase the chances of you seeing me when I could’ve just texted me.”

The man sighed again. “You must be Janus, then. I assume that since you arrived specifically when Patton _wouldn’t_ be home today, you came to drop off his birthday present.” There was a slight pause, probably meant for Janus to respond. Suddenly. There was a soft “Oh.” Janus couldn’t take it anymore; he turned around and his jaw dropped.

The man was tall, taller than any of the Dark Sides. He had dark brown hair, brushed neatly out of his face. He wore a pair of square glasses, which perfectly framed his dark blue eyes. He wore a black button-up shirt and dark wash jeans. A navy blue tie hung loosely around his neck. But what caught Janus’ attention was the look of pure adoration on his face as he looked at the flowers on the porch. His face was so open and kind, something that Janus never expected him to look like. Is this the look that Janus gave Remus when they were alone? If so, Janus now understood why Virgil didn’t want to be in their relationship. Just the _look_ on Lo’s face was enough to make Janus feel excluded from their relationship. Suddenly, the adoration turned to a more mischievous look. “That’s why he wanted Patton to clean out that vase,” he said fondly, before shaking his head. “Do I even _want_ to know how much Virgil spent on this?”

“Nope.” Janus made sure to keep his voice nonchalant, not showing any sign of weakness. He watched curiously as Logan did the same, schooling his expression before looking up at Janus. His eyes briefly flickered over to Janus’ scar, but other than that he paid no mind to it. Janus felt something rise within him; whether respect or irritation, he couldn’t tell. “Now’s the time where I must ask: what are your intentions with Virgil?” He made sure to keep an even tone, not wanting to influence Lo’s response.

Lo blinked, looking almost surprised, before his eyes dropped back to the flowers. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “On one hand, Virgil is an amazing person that I’ve now known for several months. I know that the others have wanted to ask him to join our relationship for a while. On the other hand, we know very little about him. Unless Virgil inherited this money, there’s no possible way that his only profession is commissioning art. What else has he lied about? How can I trust him, much less _love_ him, if I don’t know when he’s lying to me?”

Janus slowly raised his left hand, using his right to cover his heart. “My name is Janus Williams. I swear to you my full honesty. Ask me anything that you don’t believe _other_ than Virgil’s profession, and I will answer to the best of my ability.”

Lo rubbed a hand against his face- fuck, the guy was actually _crying._ “That’s the problem. I _want_ to believe him; I want to read his texts and not feel even the _slightest_ bit of skepticism. I want to eagerly accept him into our relationship, no questions asked. _But I can’t!”_ He looked back up at Janus, the look in his eyes something that will pierce Janus’ soul for a long time. “I’ve spent the past 8 years taking care of my boyfriends. I can’t have Virgil hurt them, accidentally _or_ on purpose! I will do anything to keep them safe, even if it means keeping Virgil away.”

Janus sighed, pitying the man in front of him. “Would you like some advice, Lo?” At Lo’s nod, he turned to walk away. “Virgil has no intention of ever harming you. He originally lied to you so that he wouldn’t get hurt or used. He’s never had to tell anyone this secret, and he’s never been one to easily trust others. I know you’ve already waited a long time, but _please,_ be patient. He’ll come to you when he’s ready, I swear.” And with that, Janus got in his car and drove away. Once he got to the nearest available parking spot (located at a sickeningly sweet bakery) he pulled out his phone to text Virgil.

_J- (2:12 PM) Package delivered_

_V- (2:12 PM) Thanks, man. Did they see you?_

Janus paused. _Should_ he tell Virgil about their encounter? Something told him that Lo wouldn’t mention their interaction to Virgil. If he did, the Janus would come clean. If not…

_J- (2:13 PM) No, Virgil. The secret identities of your boy toys are safe._

_V- (2:13 PM) Cool. I’ll let them know that it’s there._

And with that, Janus drove back home, where he can watch shitty romcoms and hopefully forget about the tired look in Lo’s eyes.

* * *

_P- (5:04 PM) Oh my gosh, I love these Kiddo!_

_R- (5:04 PM) What did he get you?_

_P- (5:05 PM) [*Photo Attachment*]_

_[The photo shows the light blue vase that Patton’s chocolate bouquet was in. The vase was filled with beautiful glass roses. They were mainly clear, with the tips of each petal either red, navy blue, sky blue, or violet.]_

_V- (5:05 PM) Now you can have flowers that'll never die. Happy Birthday, Pat._

_P- (5:06 PM) Thank you SO much, Virgil!_

_V- (5:06 PM) :)_


	12. Coffee and Angels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION: To those of you who haven't read the first chapter of my prequel series (Useless Gays: The Prequel), I recommend you read it. It will be referenced in a future chapter, so you might get confused if you haven't read it.
> 
> Thank you to Princess629, screamingatstars, and Electiz_Grace, for sending congrats to the married couple!
> 
> And last but DEFINITELY not least, thank you to fragile_like_china (gumdropsngunshots) for the AWESOME fanart! You can find it here: https://sidersands.tumblr.com/post/620586481961091072/emy-loves-you-really-said-okay-so-imagine-the
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Virgil smiled as he walked to Janus’ house. It was a really pretty day today, and Virgil had wanted to get some exercise in today. So here he was, walking through the streets on his way to Janus’. It was a Thursday morning in late January, so almost everyone was at work right now. Suddenly, Virgil got a text from Remus.

_Re- (10:28 AM) Stop at a cafe and get us some coffee. Didn’t realize we ran out yesterday_

_V- (10:28 AM) I’m not your intern, get your own damn coffee_

_Re- (10:28 AM) Pretty please?_

_V- (10:30 AM) Send me what you want_

_Re- (10:30 AM) Thank you, Anx!_

_V- (10:31 AM) Yeah, yeah. You’re lucky I like you_

Virgil sighed, looking up the nearest coffee shop. He cringed when Remus sent his _monstrosity_ of an order, along with Janus’ plain black coffee. He started walking again, this time following his GPS to _Puppy Pastries,_ a cafe/bakery with pastel blue _everything._ A part of Virgil found this place… comforting. Like the inside of a grandmother’s house (Virgil had never _met_ his grandparents, but if he had, _this_ is what he imagined their house to look like). He quickly made his way up to the counter, ordering his friends’ drinks along with a chai tea and a blueberry muffin. He went over to the side, ready to scroll Tumblr until he heard his order, when he heard-

“Sorry I was late, Katherine. I oversle-”

 _WHAM!_ Suddenly, a door slammed him in the face. He groaned, his hands immediately going to cover his face. He tried to focus on what the person in front of him was saying.

“-o sorry! Let me get you some ice. Are you bleeding?” Virgil pulled his hands back, seeing red through his blurry vision. He nodded, stumbling forward. “Oh my! Sit down, sir. I’ll get you something for your nose.” There was someone tugging on his arm, and he followed them to a booth. He sat down, hands still cradling his face, until he felt someone gently prying them away. He slowly lowered his hands, his vision still blurry. He flinched as someone pressed a cool rag to his face. He heard them whimper out a soft “sorry” and he tried to stop himself from flinching anymore. He closed his eyes as the stranger slowly wiped the blood off of his face. He felt them lower the rag to his hands, and he let them wipe off his hands. He was soon handed an icepack, and Virgil sighed in relief at the cold feeling on his face. Virgil slowly opened his eyes, and the sight took his breath away.

In front of Virgil was a man on his knees, staring up at Virgil. He had blonde, curly hair that framed his face like an angel’s halo. He had large, round silver glasses that did nothing to obscure his beautiful blue eyes. He had a smatter of freckles along his nose and cheeks, and his lips…

Flirt Mode: Activated

“Hey Beau’iful” Anxiety purred, resting his head in his hand. He internally winced at the way he sounded, wishing that he could flirt with this man _without_ a lisp.

The angel giggled, scratching the back of his head- Anxiety has never found that sexier than he did now. “Hello yourself. Sorry for the nosebleed. Your nose doesn’t look broken, but I would go get it checked out, anyways.”

Anxiety shrugged, fluttering his eyelashes. “Well, if I hadn’ goh’en hi’ I wouldn’ be flir’in’ with an angel now, would I?”

Angel blushed, looking down at his hands. “Well, I’m still sorry. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be on the other side of that door. I should make it up to you.” He gestured to Anxiety’s side, where his order from earlier lay. “Here’ your order, on the house.”

Anxiety smirked, pulling out his wallet. “It’s fine, Angel. Seein’ your beau’iful face made i’ all worth i’. Le’ me pay for it’.” _At least the lisp is going away._

Angel sighed, shaking his head. “I couldn’t make you pay for it, Kiddo.”

Angel’s comment stirred something in the back of Anxiety’s head, but he ignored it, instead focusing on Angel’s adorable pout. “Okay, I won’ pay. But at leas’ let me tip.”

Angel giggled again, and it was one of the most beautiful sounds that Anxiety’s ever heard. “Well, I can’t stop you from tipping. Just know you’re not obligated to tip! And you can stay here for as long as you need!”

Anxiety smirked as he got up. “As much as I would love to stay here and ‘alk to you all day, I gotta ge’ going.” He made sure he grabbed the right amount of money before placing it in the tip jar.

Angel blanched at the money. “Did you just tip $100?!?”

Anxiety smirked, grabbing his order and walking out the door. “See ya, Angel.”

* * *

As soon as Virgil got to Janus’ house, he was nearly attacked by a tired Janus. He snatched up his coffee, moaning as soon as the cup touched his lips. He chugged half the container before lowering it, giving Virgil a once-over. “You look like shit.”

Virgil winced, playfully shoving past Janus. “So do you, but I’m not complaining.”

He made his way to the living room, Janus tagging along behind him. Remus saw them and jumped up, but he stopped when he saw Virgil’s face. “Dude, what happened? Did you have to fight for our drinks or something.”

Virgil sighed, his mind going back to Angel’s beautiful laugh. “Or something.”

They sat in silence, drinking their drinks while Virgil ate his muffin. Virgil smiled when he saw another muffin at the bottom of the bag. Seems like Angel wanted to find another way to apologize. _I’ll have to bring that up next time_. Virgil almost snorted at the thought. He had barely had one conversation with the guy, and he already wanted to meet up again.

“Okay, what’s his name?” Virgil’s head snapped up. He looked over at Remus, who had the world’s biggest smirk on his face. “You’ve been sitting here smiling like an idiot for the past 20 minutes. So, what’s his name? Is he the reason your nose is purple now?”

Virgil sighed, flopping back to where he landed on Janus’ side. “I met an Angel today, guys. A real Angel!”

Janus snorted, taking another sip of coffee. “Right, an Angel. And _where_ exactly did you meet this Angel?”

“At the cafe. He accidentally slammed a door in my face. Then he cleaned my face for me. It was so hot.” He ignored his giggly friends and sat up. “I fall in love too easily.”

“That you do.” Janus managed to get out around his giggles. “So, I assume by your dramatic sighing that you’re going to bring us coffee more often?” A pillow to the face answered his question.


	13. Starlight, Star Bright

The next day, Virgil found himself walking up to  _ Puppy Pastries.  _ He had texted a standard “Good morning” to his crushes before leaving to go flirt with Angel. He decided not to tell his crushes about Angel. If he had  _ any  _ chance with the three of them, it would be immediately lost the moment he told them about his new crush. Part of him was worried that Angel would recognize him as Anxiety, but so far there was nothing on social media that hinted at Anxiety even living in Florida. So either Angel didn’t recognize him, or he knew and decided to respect Anxiety’s privacy. Even though it was probably the first option, Virgil felt his blush grow at the thought of Angel caring that much. 

Virgil entered the cafe at 11 AM, scanning the people there. Today was obviously a slow day, with only 3 customers throughout the building. As Virgil made his way to the counter, he saw the same worker from yesterday- Katherine, if he remembered correctly. Katherine’s eyes widened at the sight of him, and she quickly turned to face the kitchens. “Boss!”

“Yes, Kyle?” Angel’s asked, still obviously caught up in whatever he was doing.  _ Kyle?  _ Virgil glanced around until he saw a blue pronoun bracelet on Kat-  _ Kyle’s  _ wrist.

“That one guy from yesterday? He’s back.” Virgil heard the clunking of pots and pans before Angel came out covered in flour, wiping his hands off with a blue dishtowel. He wore a light blue apron with the  _ Puppy Pastries  _ logo written in cartoonish white letters.

Flirt Mode: Activated.

“Hey there, Angel.” Anxiety purred, leaning up against the counter. “Did you just lose a flour-fight or something?”

Angel blushed, looking down at his apron. “Nah, I just spilled a little, that’s all.” He looked back up, a slight scowl on his face. “Now, why did you tip $100 on a free meal, Kiddo?”

Anxiety smirked. “Why did you give me an extra muffin, Beautiful?”

“Because I almost broke your nose with a door!” He near-yelled, clenching the towel in his hands.  _ He must really be beating himself up about this. _

_ “And  _ you cleaned me up and gave me an ice pack.” He glanced at the cup of lollipops on the counter, priced at $1 apiece. He took a dollar out of his pocket before grabbing the lollipop, quickly unwrapping it to stick in his mouth.

“It was the right thing to do! You still didn’t have to tip!” The guy looked close to hyperventilating. Anxiety sighed, pulling the lollipop out with a quiet  _ pop. _

“Listen,” he said, lazily gesturing with his lollipop. “Tipping you was  _ my  _ decision, got it? I was gonna tip anyways, if only because Kyle made my friend’s monster drink without complaint. And I shouldn’t have been standing in the doorway, either. So don’t blame yourself, cutey.” He turned to Kyle, who seemed to be watching them talk like it was a tennis match. “One medium chai tea and a… blackberry muffin, please.”

“On the house!” Angel yelled before Kyle could list off the price. “You’ve already paid enough to have breakfast here for at least the whole week. Let me make it up to you, please.”

Anxiety sighed, pulling out his wallet. “Angel, if you don’t let me pay for this, I’m just gonna tip again. You’ve already made it up. Stop it with this guilty shit or I’m gonna have to do something drastically expensive.” He and Angel had an intense staring contest before Angel huffed, going back to the kitchen. Anxiety paid for his breakfast before walking out the door. “Nice talking to you Angel, Kyle!”

* * *

Virgil sighed as he finished his muffin. It wasn’t quite noon yet, and the streets started getting a little more hectic with people on lunch break. Virgil walked aimlessly down the street, having planned nothing beyond visiting  _ Puppy Pastries.  _ He stopped at a random library, deciding to take a look inside.  _ Lo’s Birthday is in a few weeks. I’m already getting him chocolate, but maybe something in here can give me ideas? _

Virgil strolled through the library, trying to find anything on space. He eventually found a section tucked away in the corner. Even though the section was near impossible to find, it was definitely popular, judging by the massive array of books on the shelves. He quickly grabbed the first book he saw and opened it up, skimming it to see if it might interest Lo. His heart sunk as he realized something.

“May I be of assistance?” Virgil’s eyes shot up, staring at the man in front of him.  He had dark brown hair, brushed neatly out of his face. He wore a pair of square glasses, which perfectly framed his dark blue eyes. He wore a black button-up shirt with a perfectly straightened navy blue tie. He also wore a pair of dark wash jeans that perfectly hugged his-

Flirt Mode: Activated

“There are many ways you could help me, Beautiful.” Anxiety purred out, closing the book and putting it on the shelf. “But unless you know anything about space, you can’t really help me with this problem.”

If the man realized that Anxiety was flirting, he didn’t acknowledge it. “I happen to know a great deal about space. I have read the majority of the books in this section. Now, what is this problem of yours?”

Anxiety sighed, carding a hand through his hair. “My friend’s birthday is in a few days, and I need a present for him. I know he really likes space, so I was hoping I could find information in one of these books. But then realized that I don’t know anything about space beyond the names of the planets.”

The man sighed. “That  _ is  _ a problem.” He turned to the shelf next to Anxiety, pulling out a giant paperback book. He then handed it to Anxiety. “This book gives simplistic descriptions of most of our universe’s known types of celestial bodies. If you are only learning this to find a proper gift, this will be your best choice. If you need any further assistance, I will be here until 2 PM.”

Anxiety smiled, giving the man a casual two-finger salute. “Thanks, Starlight. I’ll let you know if I have any questions.” Starlight blushed at the nickname before walking away.

He stayed at the library for around 2 hours, taking pictures of what he found interesting and finding Starlight when there was something he didn’t understand. Every time he asked a question, Starlight would get a certain shine in his eyes as he spoke passionately about the topic at hand. Starlight would stop every few sentences to make sure that he understood, and every time Anxiety would give his own recap while flirting. By the time they were finished, Anxiety felt confident enough to hold a decent conversation about space, and Starlight’s cheeks were bright red.

It was now 1:45 PM, and Virgil was ready to head home. He put the book back on the shelf and went to the front desk, where Starlight stood helping an older woman. He waited until the woman left before approaching. “Oh, did you have another question?”

“Nah, just wanted to say goodbye before I head out. Thanks again for the help. Will you be here on Monday? You know, in case I have another question?”

Starlight smiled, typing something into the computer. “Yes. I am here from 10 AM to 2 PM every weekday.” He paused, looking up at Anxiety’s face. “I’ve been meaning to ask all day, and I don’t mean to be rude, but what happened to your face?”

Anxiety cringed, hand flying to cover his nose. Even though it’s not broken, his nose was still an ugly shade of purple. “I fought a door,” he joked, “the door won. Catch you later, Starlight.” And with that, he walked away.

* * *

The next day, when Virgil gushed to Janus and Remus about how cute both Angel and Starlight were, they were  _ cackling  _ with laughter. He ended up sending another box of chocolates to Logan, if only to talk to someone that  _ wasn’t  _ laughing at him. They spent the weekend debating whether or not Pluto was a planet. Logan wasn’t  _ quite  _ sure how to respond to Virgil’s main argument of “Viva La Pluto Fuck You.” Virgil, on the other hand, was extremely thankful for those questions he had asked Starlight over Dwarf Planets. Every time he saw Patton or Logan take a moment to respond, he imagined how they would look in that moment; Patton’s face would be bright red from giggling. Logan’s would be bright red from Patton’s teasing puns. They would be curled up on the couch, their glasses shining from the bright light of their phones-

Wait a minute, why the hell was he imagining them with glasses? Sure, it would probably match their aesthetics (especially Logan’s nerdiness) but they’ve never mentioned wearing glasses. So why was he imagining it? Virgil thought for a few more minutes before he sighed, going back to their conversation. The increase in social interactions must be triggering his overactive imagination. That makes sense, right? Virgil smiled. Lo and Starlight would be proud of him, finding logical and rational reasoning instead of freaking out.

But why did that thought make him feel so…  _ uneasy? _


	14. YOU AGAIN?!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have a few I need to say. First of all, if you haven't read the first chapter of Useless Gays: the Prequel, GO READ IT NOW. This chapter might not make sense if you haven't read it.
> 
> Secondly, I'm not sure if last chapter was really good or really bad (the majority of the comments were "I'm dying" or "I'm screaming"). I'm going to take it as really good, and hopefully there will be other really good chapters in the future.
> 
> Last but not least, I apologize if this chapter seems... lackluster. I'm dealing with a family emergency right now, so I'm not having much time (or energy) to edit these fully. Usually, I have two or three versions of how the chapter will play out, but I used the first draft on this one. Hopefully, I'll be back in the swing of things by tomorrow.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

It was Monday morning, four days since he had his face bashed in, and Virgil realized that he might have a problem. While his schedule was usually __

  * _Breakfast_


  * Go to Janus’/Work on Music 


  * Lunch 


  * Talk to crushes


  * Watch TV/ Read new book


  * Dinner


  * Draw 


  * Sleep



his schedule for today was 

  * _Go to Puppy Pastries/Flirt with Angel_


  * Go to Library/Flirt with Starlight 


  * Lunch


  * Talk to crushes


  * Babble about other Angel and Starlight to Janus and Remus


  * Dinner


  * Fantasize about crushes 


  * Sleep



So yeah, Virgil  _ might  _ have a problem. Or he would if he saw this as a problem. Which he didn’t. So here he was, strolling up to  _ Puppy Pastries  _ like he owned the place. He walked inside, glad that this place was busier in the afternoon than in the morning. He approached the counter glancing at the figure’s pronoun bracelet before speaking. “Hello, Katherine. Any chance you could get your boss out here?”

Katherine sighed, leaning against the counter. “Hello again, rich customer. You do realize that your one of the few people to actually make the boss yell, right? And that he’s in a relationship?”

Virgil rolled his eyes fondly, grabbing a lollipop from the stand. “He seems like the more softspoken type, so I’m not surprised. Why do you think I call him Angel? And while I didn’t know about the relationship, he can just tell me to stop flirting and I will. He definitely knows how to say no, and I’ll respect his wishes. Until then, I like to see him blush. So, can you call for him, please?”

Katherine eyed him for a few moments before sighing, turning towards the back of the establishment. “Boss! Rich dude’s back!” There was what sounded like a muffled curse before Angel walked out, oven-mitted-hands on his hips.

Flirt Mode: Activated

“Hello again, Angel.” Angel blushed but his gaze stayed firm and unwavering.

“You are going to accept a muffin and drink without paying OR tipping today, mister!”

Anxiety smirked, sticking his tongue out to lick the lollipop. Angel watched the movement. “For a guy who probably owns this place, you seem pretty adamant about not earning money.” He licked the lollipop again before sticking the entire thing into his mouth. Angel stared, mouth open and cheeks red, for several seconds. Then his jaw snapped shut with an audible  _ click.  _ He sputtered for about a minute, cheeks still red, before Anxiety decided to grant him pity. He turned to Katherine, who looked like she was trying hard to not burst into giggles. “I’ll have a medium chai tea and… a strawberry muffin, please.” By the time he turned back, Angel seemed more put together, his cheeks still pink. “Now, I thought we got over this whole ‘don’t pay for your meal’ thing on Friday. So what gives?”

Angel’s back straightened slightly. “I talked it over with my… friends, and they gave me a confidence boost. I don’t want you to spend money today when you already spent too much last week. It would be immoral and unjust to do so.” His posture softened. “I won’t force you to not pay, but could you do so, just this once? Just to help clear my conscience.” 

Anxiety thought for a moment, but not over Angel’s request.  _ He didn’t want to tell me about his boyfriends. It’s not like he HAS to or anything, but why didn’t he tell me? He knows that I’ll back off if he says he’s taken. Unless he doesn’t want me to back off? _

He smirked. “Alright, you win this one. If only because I don’t like seeing you upset. But I WILL be paying for tomorrow’s meal. Capiche?”

Angel gaped back at him. “Y-you’re coming back?”

Anxiety tilted his head in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I? The atmosphere’s nice, the food’s amazing, the staff’s kind, and the boss is beautiful.” He grabbed his meal, ignoring the beautiful Angel’s sputtering. “See you tomorrow, Angel. Katherine.”

* * *

Anxiety smirked as he entered the library, making a beeline for the front desk. He was still feeling flirty from his interaction with Angel, so it didn’t take much to start flirting again. “Hey, Starlight. Think you can walk me back to the space section?”

Starlight blushed, finding someone to man the front desk before leading Anxiety back to the space section. He seemed to grow tenser with every step. By the time they reached the back of the library, Starlight was nearly shaking.

Anxiety put a hand on his arm. “Starlight?”

Starlight startled slightly, but he didn’t move away from his hand. “Yes?”

Anxiety frowned. “You were shaking there for a second. Something’s gotta be wrong. What’s messing with that pretty little head of yours?”

Starlight blushed, looking away. “Before we continue any of…  _ this,  _ I must let you know that I am currently in a romantic relationship.”

Anxiety’s grip slackened slightly. “Do you… want me to stop flirting? Because if you want me to, I will. But if you don’t well,” he grabbed Starlight’s hand, kissing his knuckle. “I would love to continue flirting with you.”

Starlight sputtered for a few seconds, and Anxiety thought that he might’ve gone too far. “I am… not opposed to you flirting with me.” He finally said, fingers brushing against Anxiety’s jaw. “I just assumed that you would wish to stop once you realized that I was already in a relationship.”

Anxiety smirked, fighting down the blush forming from the fingers on his jaw. “I only want to stop if  _ you  _ want me to stop. Until then, I am perfectly content to watch your face turn that pretty shade of red.” Before Starlight could get too flustered, Anxiety pulled back, gesturing to the shelves. “So, which book will you recommend today, Starlight? The book from Friday was pretty useful, but I think I need some more information.”

That visit to the library ended similarly to the visit on Friday. Anxiety read the book, asked a few questions, and flirted shamelessly with Starlight. He always felt a sense of satisfaction every time he got Starlight to turn tomato red (or Solanum Lycopersicum, as Lo called them). As 2 PM approached, Anxiety felt confident that Starlight wasn’t just letting him flirt out of politeness. Even when his face was bright red, he would smile and his eyes would light up. He was obviously passionate about the subject of space, and he also seemed to enjoy his brief banters with Anxiety. All too soon, Anxiety had to leave, so he put away his book and approached the front desk. “Hey, Starlight.”

Starlight smiled, typing something into the computer. “Hello again. I assume you’re leaving now?”

Anxiety smirked. “Yep. Just wanted to say goodbye before I left. Didn’t want you worrying your pretty little head over me.” He suppressed his laugh at Starlight’s blush. “Bye, Starlight. See you tomorrow.”

“Y-yes, farewell.”

* * *

Virgil sighed as he left the library. He could go home and text his crushes, but he wanted to do something today that  _ didn’t  _ revolve around flirting or pining. He strolled down the street as he thought about the different men in his life. Patton, Logan, and Roman. Angel and Starlight. Three had names but no faces. Two had faces but no names. Three he was hopelessly in love with. Two he flirted with to get over his hopeless love. All five of them were slowly taking over his life. Virgil sighed, trying to take his mind off of them. He was just passing by one of the newer theatres when-

“Oof-” Apparently, someone decided to run out the same moment that Virgil walked passed, and now Virgil had an armful of stranger.

“I’m so sorry,” Stranger said, and he looked up and-  _ oh. _

_ Virgil looked down at Janus, who had drunkenly slapped some guy’s ass, and was currently groping it. Judging by the look in Janus’ face, he didn’t seem to realize that this wasn’t Remus. And judging by the look on stranger’s face, he was quickly realizing that Janus wasn’t whoever he originally thought was groping him. Virgil knew that Janus was too drunk to hold a decent conversation, so he quickly pulled Janus behind him. The stranger turned around and- oh, he’s a hot stranger. _

Hot Stranger seemed to remember the moment too, since suddenly he was out of Virgil’s arms and scowling at him. “YOU!”

Flirt Mode: Activated

Anxiety smirked, eyeing Hot Stranger’s new attire. He wore a white prince costume with a red sash across the front. Yep, still hot. “Wow, Hot Stuff. How long’s it been? Three, four years?”

Hot Stranger (now upgraded to “Hottie”) blushed, jabbing his finger into Anxiety’s chest. “What are you doing here, you villainish fiend? Here to molest me again?”

Anxiety sighed, ignoring the finger that was bruising his chest. “First of all, I didn’t even touch you. Second of all, even if I did, why would I wait so long to come back and do it again? Third of all, how would I have known that you would be running out of a theatre at this exact moment?” He shrugged his shoulders. “This meeting was by complete chance, Hottie. I don’t regret meeting you again, but I had no intention of it.”

Hottie sputtered. “What do you mean, ‘I didn’t even touch you’? You groped me in the middle of a club!”

“No, I didn’t. My friend did. His boyfriend was getting drinks and you look a lot like him. He was too drunk to say ‘sorry for touching your ass, I thought it was my boyfriend’s’ so I took the blame.” He grabbed Hottie’s hand, gently removing it from his chest.

Hottie scowled, “Why should I believe you?”

Anxiety sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know, maybe because I have literally no reason to lie? It was years ago, and I don’t even go to clubs anymore. Why should I care if you think I’m lying?” He looked up at the sign. “I didn’t know they were doing Romeo and Juliet this year. Huh.”

“IF I believe you… what now?”

“Well, I would very much like to continue flirting with you, Hottie. That is if you’re okay with it?”

Hottie shuffled his feet. “Well, I’m in a relationship, so don’t think for a second that this will exceed casual bantering.”

Anxiety smirked, leaning forward slightly. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Hottie.”

_ Crash! _

Hottie cringed, glancing back to the theatre. “I should go make sure they didn’t break anything.”

Anxiety sighed, leaning back. “Alright. Are you free for bantering anytime soon?”

Hottie blushed. “My lunch break is always at 2:30. And don’t get any funny ideas! This is just casual banter between acquaintances. Nothing more.” And with that, Hottie left. Virgil sighed, heading home. He had ALOT to rant about.

* * *

_ V- (3:30 PM) Hey, J? Remember that hot guy you groped? _

_ J- (3:31 PM) Virgil, you already cashed in that favor. You got a katana for your “Princey” remember? _

_ V- (3:31 PM) I’m not trying to cash it in _

_ V- (3:31 PM) I found Hottie _

_ Re- (3:31 PM) Wait, let me guess _

_ Re- (3:32 PM) You explained what happened, you flirted with him, and now you have a new crush _

_ V- (3:32 PM) Wow, just take all the fun out of it _

_ J- (3:33 PM) Goddamit Virgil _

_ J- (3:33 PM) What are we going to do with you? _


	15. Godd***it, Virgil

Virgil smiled as he made his way down the street. Today was Friday, 8 days since Angel bruised his face, 7 since Starlight offered to help him learn about space, and four since he and Hottie started their playful bantering/flirting. His schedule hadn’t changed much since Monday, other than the added addition of joining Hottie for lunch every day. Apparently he was one of the lead roles at the theatre he met Virgil outside of. Virgil wondered if he knew Roman. He would never ask- Roman never gave the name of the theatre he worked at, and what would he say when Hottie asked why? ‘Sorry, he’s just the guy I’ve been crushing on for the past 7 months. Don’t tell him that I told you that.’ Speaking of Roman, he had started to distance himself from Virgil. Actually, all three of them had been speaking less and less in the group chat over the past week. Virgil didn’t want to butt into their personal life, but their lack of response was starting to worry him. He didn’t have much time to worry, however, since he spent most of his days flirting with his  _ other  _ 3 crushes.

Virgil grinned as he opened the doors to  _ Puppy Pastries.  _ Angel was already out front, cleaning off a table. 

Flirt Mode: Activated

Anxiety sauntered over to him. “Hey, Angel.”

Angel smiled. “Hey. Just give me a second.” Anxiety watched as Angel cleaned the table. It didn’t take too long, and Anxiety found himself humming a tune under his breath. “What are you humming?” Angel asked suddenly.

Anxiety thought for a moment. “Don’t remember.” He admitted. “I didn’t even realize that I was humming.”

Angel giggled before he grew sheepish. “Can I ask you a favor?”

Anxiety smirked. “Anything for you, beautiful.”

Angel sighed, pulling out his phone. “I’m not really text-savvy, and I tend to accidentally send things to group chats instead of the person I wanna send it to. I want to ask someone a question without letting everyone else know what I’m asking. And I don’t wanna do it through text, since I might mess it up later.”

Anxiety sat on the table. “Well, there are more ways to contact someone than texting. I assume you can’t meet them in person?” Angel shook his head. “Well, do you have another way to contact them? Like their email or address? Or you could just call them.”

Angel’s eyes lit up. “He gave me his email! I almost forgot about it! Thank you so much!” He wrapped his arms around Anxiety’s neck, nuzzling his face into Anxiety’s chest. Anxiety knew that his face was bright red. He heard someone snickering and looked up. He glared at Katherine before wrapping his arms around Angel. Angel soon let go, bouncing up and down. “Oh, this is gonna be so perfect! Wait, you didn’t order your food yet! I’m so sorry, I’ll go get your tea. What type of muffin do you want?”

Anxiety ignored the ache in his chest from loss of contact. “Blueberry, please. And it was no problem, Angel.” Sooner than he’d like, Anxiety was leaving  _ Puppy Pastries,  _ tea and muffin in hand.

* * *

Starlight had apparently called in sick today. Virgil wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about the pit in his stomach. On one hand, Starlight was a good guy, and Virgil considered him a friend. On the other hand, he had only known the guy for a week, and now that Starlight wasn’t there, Virgil didn’t know what to do. He ended up going to Janus’ house, feeling a little numb inside as he stepped into the house. As he sat on the couch next to Janus, Virgil felt his phone go off. He was surprised when it wasn’t a text.  _ An email?  _ Why would anyone send Virgil an email? Virgil opened the email, surprised to see that it was from Patton.

_ To: StormCloud34 @gmail.com _

_ From: Pattoncake @gmail.com _

_ Sent at 12:04 PM _

_ Hey Kiddo! I know I’ve never emailed you before, but I didn’t want the others seeing this. Valentine’s Day is in a few weeks, and I was wondering if you could do a commission for me. We all LOVE your (he)art, and I think that a drawing from you would be LOVEly! _

Virgil smiled, quickly typing out a response.

_ To: Pattoncake @gmail.com _

_ From: StormCloud34 @gmail.com _

_ Sent at 12:08 PM _

_ Sure thing, PopStar! Just let me know what you want me to draw. And you don’t have to pay for this. Consider it a gift from me to you! _

Virgil sighed, turning over to face Janus. “I’m bored.”

Janus snorted, nudging Virgil slightly. “It’s not  _ my  _ fault that your crush wasn’t at work today. Just watch TV.”

Virgil snorted, opening Patton’s new email. “And get attached to these shitty romcoms? No thank… you.” He paused, fully looking at the photo.  _ “Holy shit.” _

* * *

Janus sighed, looking over at Virgil’s phone. There was a picture of Lo and two others. Virgil had dropped his phone before Janus could look at their faces. “Virgil?” He was hyperventilating. “Deep breathes, Virgil. 4-7-8, remember? You can do it, Virgil.” It took a full 20 minutes for Virgil to breathe evenly, and another 10 before he could speak properly.

“That’s them.”

Janus frowned. “Yes, that’s Pat, Lo and Princey. Pat sent you that picture.”

“No, that’s  _ them,”  _ Virgil said, looking up. He looked close to hyperventilating again. “That’s Angel, Starlight, and Hottie. All of them.”

Janus stared for a few moments before sighing, pinching the bridge of his nose.  _ “Goddamit Virgil.” _

* * *

Later that day, Logan heard a knock on his door. He opened the door to find Janus on the other side. The man handed him a small package. “Happy early birthday. I have the feeling that you’ll find this gift quite… informative. It may answer a few questions and concerns of yours.” With that, he walked away.

Logan opened up the package. Inside was a disk. The cover had three men posing dramatically. The words  _ The Dark Sides  _ were written on the top in jagged lettering. Logan’s focus was immediately drawn to the figure in the middle. He wore a tight black hoodie and black skinny jeans. His hair was styled to cover most of his eyes and he wore dark eyeshadow under his eyes. There was no mistaking him.  _ I have to tell the others. _

* * *

Janus stepped into his car, a satisfied smirk on his face. Since it was Janus who gave the CD to Logan, he would associate it with Janus and Virgil. Once he recognized that Janus is Deceit, he would realize that Virgil is Anxiety. Then, he would realize why Virgil kept it a secret, make Virgil confess, and live happily ever after (*bleh*).

* * *

Virgil was still at Janus’ house when he got a text.

_ L- (1:04 PM) GUYS _

_ L- (1:04 PM) THAT HOT GUY THAT’S BEEN FLIRTING WITH ME AT THE LIBRARY? _

_ L- (1:04 PM) [*Photo Attachment*] _

_ [Photo is of the Dark Side’s Album cover] _

_ L- (1:04 PM) THAT’S HIM _

_ R- (1:05 PM) HOLY SHIT THAT’S THE GUY WHO’S FLIRTING WITH ME! _

_ P- (1:05 PM) SAME! _

_ R- (1:05 PM) We’ve been flirting with a rockstar _

Virgil groaned, burying his head in his hands. 

* * *

Janus stepped into the house, having left around an hour ago. He noticed Virgil’s form and glanced at the younger man’s phone as it went off.

_ L- (1:06 PM) HE’S THE GUY THAT SANG LIES _

_ L- (1:06 PM) HOLY SHIT. I FLIRTED WITH THE GUY THAT SANG LIES _

_ R- (1:07 PM) HOW COULD THIS GET ANY BETTER? _

Janus calmly walked upstairs to his room, Remus lying on the bed. He grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be a book, and began pounding his head on it.

“STUPID! FUCKING! USELESS! GAYS!”


	16. Sandwiches and Self-Jealousy

Virgil shot up, surprised by Janus slamming the door upstairs. He stared at his phone. What was he supposed to do? He’s been flirting with his 3 crushes as Anxiety, and they don’t know that he’s Anxiety. Virgil sighed, gathering up what courage he had left. Might as well gather intel.

_ V- (1:10 PM) You’ve been flirting with THE Anxiety?!? _

_ L- (1:10 PM) More like he was flirting with us. _

_ P- (1:11 PM) You know Anxiety, Kiddo? _

_ V- (1:11 PM) Yeah, I’m a fan of his _

_ V- (1:11 PM) Are you sure that he’s flirting? Last I heard he was dating his bandmates _

_ L- (1:12 PM) He said that he was flirting with me, but I don’t think he means it as a romantic gesture. He seemed more interested in my consent than my unavailability. _

_ V- (1:12 PM) Wait, why were you guys okay with each other flirting with strangers? _

_ R- (1:13 PM) We might all have the teensiest tiny crush on him _

Virgil felt his cheeks heat up. They all had crushes on Anxiety? What was Virgil supposed to do with  _ that  _ information? Should he ignore it? Or should he try and be more serious with them as Anxiety, to see if he has a chance as a rockstar instead of a faceless friend?

Virgil suddenly felt something stirring in his gut. It took a few moments to recognize the feeling:  _ Jealousy.  _ Virgil had been pining after his crushes for  _ months.  _ He was not losing his chance to a person they’d only known for a  _ week.  _ Sure, that person was also Virgil, but it was the principle of it, Dammit! Virgil thought about it. While it  _ would  _ be easier to date them as Anxiety, he’d  _ much  _ rather date them as Virgil.  _ Maybe I can give myself a leg-up through Anxiety.  _ Virgil thought about it for several more minutes.  _ This could work.  _ Finally smiling, Virgil turned back to his phone.

_ V- (1:20 PM) Okay, you guys wanna get closer to Anxiety? _

_ V- (1:20 PM) How does VIP tickets to their next concert sound? _

_ R- (1:21 PM) SERIOUSLY?!? _

_ R- (1:21 PM) YES PLEASE! _

_ P- (1:22 PM) You don’t have to, Kiddo! _

_ V- (1:22 PM) The concert’s on February 17th. Consider it a Valentine’s Day gift from me to you guys. _

_ L- (1:22 PM) The concert is in less than 3 weeks. How do you have VIP tickets? Were you intending on using them, Virgil? _

_ V- (1:23 PM) No, I just know a few people _

_ V- (1:23 PM) By the way, where did you find that album, Lo? _

_ L- (1:23 PM) I am at home right now due to nasopharyngitis. A coworker of mine dropped this off as an early birthday present. He said that I might find it useful. I assume that he saw Anxiety visiting me at the library and recognized him. _

Virgil sighed. He’d have to pay more attention. He’d dropped his guard down when interacting with them. He didn’t want anyone else recognizing him.

_ R- (1:25 PM) Well, I must take my leave. I have lunch with Anxiety today, so I will inform him of our situation. _

_ P- (1:25 PM) DON’T TELL HIM ABOUT OUR CRUSH ON HIM! _

_ R- (1:25 PM) I WON’T! _

Virgil swore, getting up. He’d completely forgotten about his lunch with Hottie/Roman. He quickly grabbed his stuff before running out the door. He sent a quick text to Janus, telling him that he had left. He speed-walked to the sandwich shop that Roman liked, ordering the same sandwich that Roman ordered every time, as well as one for himself. Before he knew it, he was standing outside of the theatre, sandwiches in hand. He sat there, remembering what he wanted to say to Roman. Roman soon walked out, a nervous yet somewhat awe-struck look on his face.

Flirt Mode: Activated

“Hey, Hottie. Ready for sandwiches and banter?” Anxiety held out the sandwich, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“We need to talk.” Anxiety startled slightly. He knew that Roman wanted to talk to him about his identity, but he didn’t think that he’d be  _ this  _ direct.

“Sure, mind if we sit down? My back is killing me.” They sat down on the sidewalk, uncomfortable silence between them. Anxiety opened his mouth to break the tension. “So-”

“I know you’re Anxiety.” Roman’s voice was soft, softer than Anxiety ever remembered it being. He stared down at the concrete. “And I know that I’m not the only person that you’re flirting with. You’ve actually been flirting with my 2 boyfriends. I just thought you should know that I knew before we continued anything. I don’t want to trick you or lie to you.”

Anxiety felt a wave of guilt overcome him. He shouldn’t be leading them astray like this. But what could he say?  _ Hey, I’m also the guy that’s been texting you for the past 7 months. Hope this doesn’t pressure you into liking me.  _ Anxiety mentally shook his head. No, he couldn’t do that. But he also couldn’t fully lie to them. Maybe some half-lies would make it better?

“I already knew.” Roman’s eyes shot up.

“How? We just figured it out today!”

“Apparently you told my friend too. Unless he made up the exact same story when he asked for the VIP tickets?” There, Virgil can be Anxiety’s friend. Close enough to where it would make sense for Anxiety and Virgil to know things that they shouldn’t, while far enough to draw away suspicion.

Roman’s jaw dropped. “You know Virgil?”

Anxiety nodded, taking a bite out of his sandwich. “Mmhm. He’s a good friend of mine. He sometimes goes on tour with us.”

Before Anxiety could even blink, he suddenly had a face full of Roman. “What’s he like?”

Anxiety stared, dumbfounded. “What?”

Roman huffed, the light never leaving his eyes. “Virgil. What’s he like? I’ve been talking to him for months, but we’ve never met face-to-face. So, what’s he like?”

It took a few moments for Anxiety to talk again. He wanted to know about  _ Virgil?  _ Not the literal  _ rockstar  _ in front of him? “Well, he’s sarcastic, for one ( _ yep _ ). He likes to spend money on people he cares about ( _ you, Logan Patton _ ). He bounced around the foster system for a while, but I don’t know why ( _ why didn’t anyone want me? _ ). He has really bad anxiety ( _ hence the persona _ ), so he doesn’t go to any of my concerts ( _ not as Virgil _ ). He talks about you a lot ( _ I can’t stop myself. I bring at least one of you up in every conversation I have with J and Re _ ).”

“He does?” He looked so… happy? Hopeful? Unsettled? Virgil couldn’t tell.

“Yeah, he’s always blabbering about what you said that day or what he’s planning on getting you ( _ not a lie _ ). So, now that you know what I think of him, now it’s your time to spill. Who’s Virgil to you?”

Roman suddenly had a strange look on his face. Anxiety couldn’t name the emotion in his eyes. “Virgil is… different. He has such a cynical view of the world, yet he still makes lighthearted puns. He’s doesn’t want to meet us in person, yet he spends so much money on us. He can’t bake for shit, and he sends adorable apology chocolates when he thinks we’re upset. He loves Halloween and Disney. He listens when we need someone to talk to, and he rambles off random facts when we need a distraction. He comforts Patton when he’s sad. He makes Logan laugh after a tiring day, even if Lo plays it off as exasperation. He calms me down when I think that the world’s against me.” He sighed. “I wish he trusted us enough to let us meet him. I respect his wishes, but it’s hard, y’know? Trusting someone that you’ve never met.”

Anxiety felt another wave of guilt, this one even stronger. He opened his mouth before thinking. “I’m sure he’ll open up to you soon.”

“Really?!” Roman looked up, with so much…  _ joy, _ and  _ hope,  _ and that same emotion that Anxiety couldn’t name. He recognized it somewhere, but he couldn’t remember where.

Anxiety smirked, internally screaming. “Of course. You think I’d lie about something like that? He just needs to build up his confidence first. Once he does, he’ll be dying to meet ya.” His smirk softened to a half-smile. “And from what I’ve seen so far from you, Angel, and Starlight, he won’t be disappointed.” Anxiety checked the time on his phone. “Well, your lunch ends in 2 minutes, and I’ve gotta go. See ya later, Hottie.” And with that, Anxiety stood up and walked away.

Virgil was surprised that his comment about opening up didn’t make him feel guilty. Instead, he felt… relieved? Hopeful? He couldn’t tell. But it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.  _ I do have to tell them eventually. Might as well promise it. Pressure myself into actually doing it. _


	17. Promises and Charms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for how short this chapter is. I just woke up (7 AM) thinking that I had 4 more hours to work on this chapter, just to remember that I have to get heavy dental work done at 8:30. It will last for several hours, and this may be the only time today that I am typing lucid. That being said, I might not post another chapter tomorrow, simply because I might not be able to type one today. I have a prequel chapter scheduled for Saturday that I might post tomorrow, but other than that I might not update. It just depends on how lucid or in pain I am when I get home today.

As soon as Virgil got home, he remembered his “Valentine’s Gift” to his crushes. He blushed as he called Janus.  _ Why did I have to call it that? Could I be any more obvious? _

_ “Hello?”  _ Virgil winced.

“Are you okay, Janus? You sound like shit.” There was a muffled cackle on the other end, probably from Remus.

_ “I’m perfectly fine, Virgil. Now, what did you want? I thought you were busy?”  _ An obvious lie but Virgil ignored it. If Remus was laughing, it couldn’t be TOO bad. He winced again as he remembered his “gift.”

“Yeah, I need 3 VIP passes to the V-day show.” The other end was silent. “Hello?”

_ “Virgil,” _ Janus sighed, suddenly sounding  _ much  _ more annoyed,  _ “we don’t do VIP passes, remember? It was one of the first things you demanded when we started performing nationally. To keep our identities a secret, remember?” _

“Yeah, I know.” He glanced over at his sketchpad, smiling at one of the sketches he had drawn for Patton. “Why do you think I asked you instead of Thomas?” There was another sigh, along with a repetitive  _ thunking  _ sound before Janus answered.

_ “I assume you want me to send these to your crushes? AND explain to Mr.Sanders why we will be having three strangers backstage?”  _ Virgil nodded, before remembering that he was on the phone and giving a soft ‘mmhm’ in response.  _ “You owe me BIG time for this. They do know that you’re Anxiety, correct? _ ” Virgil stayed silent, an awkward blush on his cheeks.  _ “I swear to god. You fucking dumbass. Are you at least planning on telling them before the concert?” _

Virgil sighed. “Not really.”

_ “Dammit, Virgil!” _

“What was I supposed to do? Tell them that I’m Anxiety the same day that they tell me about their crush on Anxiety?” He took a deep breath, pacing back and forth. “I’ll tell them a few days after the concert, I swear. I told them that I’m friends with Anxiety and that I won’t be at the show. I also said that I sometimes travel with you guys while on tour, so the two of you know me as well. Oh, and don’t use your real names at the concert! I use your real names when talking about you, and I don’t want to confuse them too badly!”

_ “Oh, so you give them our names, but we only get to hear nicknames? How kind of you, Virgil.” _

“Well, you’ll meet them there, and you can get their names then.” Virgil sighed, belatedly realizing that he’d gotten a text. “I’ve gotta go.”

_ “Have fun with your boy toys. And Virgil?”  _ His voice dropped to a low whisper.  _ “You owe me big time for this.” _ With that he hung up. Virgil shook his head before checking his texts.

_ R- (3:05 PM) Virgil? WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL US THAT YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH ANXIETY? _

_ P- (3:06 PM) You’re friends with him!?! _

_ V- (3:10 PM) Ah, he told you _

_ V- (3:10 PM) Yeah, we met before he was famous _

_ L- (3:11 PM) Is that how you got the tickets? _

_ V- (3:11 PM) He owed me a favor _

_ V- (3:11 PM) And don’t you DARE assume that I’ve been mooching money off of him. I know you’re thinking about it! I earned every cent that I’ve spent on you guys. _

_ P- (3:12 PM) We would never think that, Kiddo! We know you’re not like that! _

Virgil bit his lip.  _ But do you really know that?  _ He shook his head.  _ I can’t keep lying like this. _

_ V- (3:13 PM) So the concert’s on the 17th. Do you guys wanna meet up on the 20th? We can get lunch and I’ll answer any questions you have about me and Anxiety. _

_ R- (3:13 PM) REALLY? YES PLEASE! _

_ P- (3:13 PM) WE’D LOVE TO, KIDDO! _

_ L- (3:14 PM) That sounds quite pleasant. Where would you like to go? _

_ V- (3:14 PM) How about Waverly Park? I’ll be wearing the jacket that Patton gave me for Christmas. _

_ P- (3:15 PM) EEEE! I CAN’T WAIT! _

_ R- (3:15 PM) NEITHER CAN I! _

_ L- (3:15 PM) We look forward to meeting you in person, Virgil _

Virgil smiled, flopping down onto his bed. Yet another weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He quickly grabbed his sketchbook, a rush of inspiration overtaking him. He grabbed his phone to use Patton’s photo as a reference point, but he didn’t really need it. He envisioned his Angel, covering his mouth as he giggled. His Starlight, smiling fondly with a light blush on his cheeks. His Princey, grinning like a fool as he slung his arms around the other two. Virgil smiled as he started drawing.

* * *

_ (February 2nd) _

_ L- (3:10 PM) [*Photo Attachment*] _

_ [Photo is of Logan’s arm. On his wrist is a pure silver charm bracelet. Each charm represents a different celestial body. There were three other charms: one was a ruby stone shaped into a sword, a garnet stone shaped into a heart, and a circle charm with the words “Viva La Pluto Fuck You”] _

_ L- (3:10 PM) Virgil _

_ L- (3:11 PM) This is beautiful _

_ L- (3:11 PM) Thank you so much _

_ V- (3:12 PM) Happy Birthday, Lo! _

_ [Private Message] _

_ R- (3:30 PM) Lo didn’t tell you, but he literally cried tears of joy from the bracelet. He also almost choked on the chocolate. Thank you, Virgil _

_ V- (3:31 PM) :) _


	18. Valentine's Day Gays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE RETURNED! Thank you guys SO much for being patient with me. The dental work went well, and hopefully there won't be any other breaks between now and the ending. This chapter's short but sweet. Sorry for how early it's being posted, I forgot that I promised to take my nephew to the gun range today. So as I type this I'm getting ready to leave. Still, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Oh, and Useless Gays: The Prequel now has 3 chapters! I strongly recommend you read the 3rd one, as it will come up in this series soon.

Virgil sighed, flopping onto his bed. It’s now Valentine’s Day and Virgil had no one to hang out with. His schedule with visiting Patton, Logan, and Roman hadn’t changed much. Sure they got a little starry-eyed at times and they asked a surprisingly large amount of questions about his ‘friend’ Virgil, but their interactions were still the same. Anxiety flirted, they’d sometimes flirt back, and Virgil would leave with his head in the clouds and a hole in his chest. Today was different, however. Virgil already knew to steer clear of Janus and Remus, since they were always extremely mushy and/or horny on Valentine’s Day. Virgil was planning on visiting his crushes, but they had texted him yesterday. They had asked Virgil to tell ‘Anxiety’ that they wouldn’t be at work today. Apparently today was their 8-year anniversary of being in a poly relationship. Virgil sighed, a hollow feeling in his chest. What did he normally do on Valentine’s day? His eyes scanned the room, trying to find something to entertain himself. Guitar, movies, Patton’s drawing, books- wait a minute.

Virgil jumped up, grabbing the framed drawing of Pat, Lo, and Princey. Why was it still here? Virgil shipped it to Patton yesterday!  _ Or did I?  _ Virgil shook his head. Either way, the drawing’s here, and it should be with Patton. Virgil bit his lip, contemplating his options.

He could send it through the mail, but then it would take at least a day to reach Patton. It wouldn’t really be an anniversary gift then, would it? He would usually ask Janus to take it over, but he was, em…  _ busy,  _ with Remus today.  _ That only leaves one option, doesn’t it? _

Virgil sighed, standing up. He was about to send a text to Patton, but decided against it. Might as well leave it a surprise. He made sure he looked presentable before grabbing the drawing and walking out the door.

The walk to their house wasn’t too long, maybe 20 minutes at most, but it was long enough for doubts to settle in. Sure, he’d been to their house before, he still had pictures of their TPed house from Halloween. But he’d never visited while they were  _ home.  _ What if they got weirded out? God, what if Patton didn’t like the drawing? When he sends it through post it’s okay, since he can’t see their faces when they receive it. But handing it to them? That’s a whole other level of  _ terrifying. _

Before he knew it, Virgil was standing on their front porch, hand raised to knock. Technically, he  _ could  _ just leave the drawing on the porch, walk away, and text Patton to let him know it’s there. He wouldn’t have to show his face, or explain why he’s there, or see his rejection-

_ No.  _ Virgil shook his head.  _ He deserves better than that. They all do.  _ Before he could second-guess himself, he quickly knocked on the door. He heard a noise from inside before the door started to open. Virgil quickly hid the drawing behind his back. The door opened to Roman, wearing loose sweatpants and no shirt-

Flirt Mode: ACTIVATED

Anxiety eyes purposefully raked over Princey’s body, memorizing every detail for…  _ future activities.  _ Roman blushed. “Anxiety, what a p-pleasant surprise.” He stammered out. “What brings you here?” He paused, tilting his head like a puppy. “And how do you know where I live?”

Anxiety smirked, leaning against the doorframe. “I’ve got a package to deliver. Apparently Virge forgot to send it yesterday, so I decided to drop it off for him. He’s the one who gave me your address.” He licked his lips. “Now, can I talk to Patton-cake? It’s his package, after all.”

Roman’s eyes were glued to Anxiety’s lips, and it took a few moments for him to respond. “Y-yes, of course.” He stepped aside. “Come in, come in.” Anxiety raised an eyebrow but stepped inside.  _ Wasn’t expecting this, but okay.  _ “Patton!” Roman called out. “You’ve got a package!”

“Coming!” There were a few moments of silence before Patton came rushing down the stairs. He wore light blue pajamas with silver hearts. His glasses were slightly skewed and his hair was ruffled. Logan followed him, wearing dark blue pajama bottoms with silver constellations. Like Roman, he wore no shirt. There were hickeys littering Logan’s chest and neck. Anxiety is now realizing two very important things:

  1. He has never seen these three men in the same room, nor has he interacted with more than one of them at a time as Anxiety
  2. He’s really gay



Anxiety whistled. “If I knew there’d be a show, I wouldn’t have taken so long to get here.” Both men squeaked, Logan burying his head in his lover’s shoulder. Which was quite cute, especially since Patton was shorter than Logan, which made Logan bend over slightly, angling his collarbone just right-

“Roman! You didn’t tell us that we have  _ company!”  _ Patton squeaked out, shaking Anxiety out of his gay trance.

Roman smirked. “Well, I didn’t want to keep Anxiety waiting. Besides, I didn’t lie about the package.”

“Yeah, apparently Virgil forgot to mail it yesterday.” Anxiety held out the frame face-down. “He said it was some sort of Valentine’s Day gift? He didn’t want it to come in late, so I offered to drop it off.”

Patton squealed, running over to grab the frame. He quickly turned it around, tears forming in his eyes. “Oh, it’s perfect.”

Logan cleared his throat, a light blush still on his cheeks. “What is it, Patton?”

Patton held up the frame for Logan and Roman to see. It was an exact drawing of the photo Patton had sent. They were on a bench. Patton was giggling, Logan was blushing, and Roman was grinning like a fool. “Do you remember this?” Patton asked, his voice soft.

“That was our first date,” Roman said in awe.

Logan nodded. “February 23rd. Waverly Park.”

Patton turned back to Anxiety, his eyes shiny. “Please tell Virgil that we love this  _ so, so much. _ It’s going right on the mantle!” He turned to the impressively large mantle, which housed Roman’s katana, Patton’s glass flowers, and now Virgil’s drawing. Logan’s telescope sat next to it on the floor. Patton turned back around to face Anxiety. “Oh, have you eaten yet? We have leftover muffins from this morning!”

Anxiety smiled, turning to follow Patton into the kitchen. “I’m sure I can squeeze in a few muffins. And if they’re anything like the muffins at your work, I know I’m gonna love ‘em.”


	19. The Concert

(February 17th)

“VIRGIL! WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU PUT MY GLOVES?”

“ON THE BED, DIPSHIT!”

“IT’S NOT HERE, DUMBASS!”

“I GOT ‘EM DEEDEE! THEY WERE IN MY POCKET!”

“C’MON GUYS, WE’RE GONNA BE LATE!”

“IT’S _OUR_ SHOW, WE CAN - FUCK! - SHOW UP A FEW MINUTES LATE!”

“NOT IF VEEVEE WANTS TO SMOOCH HIS BOYTOYS BEFORE THE SHOW STARTS!”

“SHUT UP AND GET IN THE CAR!”

A few minutes and curses later, the three bandmates were in the rental car. As the resident speed demon, Remus drove to get them there on time. Virgil, fully dressed as his rockstar counterpart, shot a text to his crushes.

_V- (6:48 PM) I hope you guys enjoy the concert!_

_V- (6:48 PM) And tell Anxiety I said hi, will ya?_

_R- (6:49 PM) Of course, storm cloud. I wish you could be here to enjoy this with us._

Virgil felt a mixture of amusement and guilt churn in his stomach. _Your wish IS granted, I guess._

_V- (6:49 PM) Sorry, I don’t do crowds._

_V- (6:49 PM) And you’ll see me in 3 days, so don’t get too pissy._

“Anx, we’re here.”

Virgil sighed, pocketing his phone. They arrived 5 minutes late, so they only had 15 minutes before the concert started. Not enough time to see his crushes. Virgil sighed as they got out of the car. _I’ll see them after the show._

“So,” Deceit drawled. “Are we finally going to meet these new _friends_ of yours, Anxiety.”

The Duke laughed. “Finally! We’ve been waiting for _ages._ ”

Anxiety rolled his eyes. “Scare them off and I kick you out of the band. Both of you.”

The Duke gasped dramatically. “Kick _both_ of us out?”

Anxiety smirked. “Yep. I’ll become a one-man show. Might actually be an improvement.”

“Ouch.” Was all Deceit said, examining his glove-covered fingernails.

“Anxiety!” They turned around to see Thomas running up to them. “Your friends are accounted for. I have Talyn down there with them. They’ll lead them to your dressing room after the concert’s over.” Anxiety nodded, remembering the quirky assistant. “Oh, and have you ever been to the curly-haired one’s bakery? Apparently that’s where Talyn goes to get my blueberry muffins and they are _delicious._ ” He checked his watch. “Concert starts in 12. Gotta go have a talk with lights. Good luck.” With that, he was gone.

“I think that’s the shortest conversation we’ve had with him.” The Duke commented as they stepped onto the stage.

“It’s not like we’re extremely busy or anything.” Deceit drawled, adjusting his gloves. He turned towards Anxiety. “Ready to put on a show, Darling?”

 _No._ Virgil thought. _There are_ _a million ways this could go wrong and my crushes are watching and-_

Anxiety smirked. “Of course I am.”

* * *

The concert went pretty well in Anxiety’s humble opinion. Sure, he messed up a line up in _Panic_ and the Duke came in a little early in _Forbidden Fruit,_ but they did well overall. He sat on the couch in his dressing room, waiting for Talyn to bring in his crushes. He would then thank them, have a private moment with his crushes, then go introduce them to Deceit and the Duke. It would all go according to plan-

Deceit- no Janus- crashed into the room, slamming the door shut behind him. “What are the names of your crushes?” He asked, desperation clear in his tone. Anxiety was about to tell him to fuck off, when he saw the look on Janus’ face: fear. Janus was afraid of something.

“Logan Croft, Roman Prince, and Patton-” He didn’t even get to say Patton’s last name before Janus had punched the wall.

“GODDAMMIT VIRGIL!.” He screamed before dropping his hand, all energy leaving him in an instant. He turned to Anxiety, his tired look accentuated by the snake scales. “Did you know?”

Anxiety’s eyebrow rose. He didn’t like where this conversation was going. “Know what?”

Janus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Remus’ deadname is Rebecca Prince.”

Virgil’s face went ghost-white. _“Oh shit.”_

“Oh shit indeed.” Janus turned towards the door. “I saw them enter the bathroom. How did you not recognize him as Remus’ twin?” He shook his head. “Nevermind, Useless Gay Syndrome, I remember now. _Just get them out of here.”_ With that he slipped away, probably to find and stall Remus.

Virgil rushed towards the backstage bathroom, where he assumed Roman and the others were. Sure enough, he spotted Talyn standing outside of the bathroom. “Talyn,” Virgil sighed in relief. “Are they in there?” They nodded. “Good. Have you seen The Duke?”

Talyn shook their head. They raised their hand to the communicator in their ear. “No, but I can put out a search if necessa-”

“IT’S NOT NECESSARY!” He yelled. They stopped, lowering their hand. “I need to get these three out of the building _without_ The Duke seeing-”

“Without me seeing what?” Virgil turned around, white as a ghost, to see the Duke standing there, hands on his hips. His lips curled into a smirk. “Suddenly nervous to show off your new boytoys, Anxy?”

Virgil shook his head. “Duke, I need you to trust me on this. _You cannot meet them._ I didn’t realize who he was until Deceit pointed it out-”

“Oh, so Dee’s already seen them but not _me?”_ the Duke gasped. “Well, now I _have_ to meet them.”

“Ree, _please,”_ Virgil begged, half-whispering.

“C’mon, there are very few people that could shock… me.” Remus said, his voice sounding strangled at the end. Virgil then remembered that Roman was in the bathroom, and wasn’t told to not open the door. Virgil watched as Remus gaped like a fish out of water. “Wha- how? _What are you doing here?”_

Roman made a disgruntled sound. “I, along with my boyfriends, am Anxiety’s friend and guest. I was _going_ to say ‘nice to meet you,’ but you speak as if we’ve already met before.”

Janus suddenly ran up, slightly out of breath. He saw the others and groaned. _“Goddammit, Virgil.”_

Remus suddenly rounded on Virgil. _“You brought him here?”_ He sounded _pissed._

Virgil swallowed, stepping forward to shield Roman. “Look, I swear I had no idea-”

“No idea of what?” Roman didn’t seem to take the hint, stepping out of the bathroom. “Who are you, and what did I do to offend you?”

Talyn stepped forward. Virgil had forgotten they were there. “Why don’t take this somewhere else-”

Remus barked out a cold, harsh laugh. “God, even after all these years you’re still so oblivious.”

Roman bristled. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

Remus smiled with far too many teeth. “It means you wouldn’t realize who I was, even if I told you, you idiot.”

Roman scowled. “I’m not an idiot!”

Remus scoffed, obviously not thinking before he opened his mouth. “Come _on._ You thought that women shat out babies. When you were _15\. And had already taken sex ed.”_

Roman expression grew dark. _“How do you know about that?_ The only person I told about that was… Rebecca…” His voice grew soft, and Remus’ face suddenly grew pale. Roman studied him for a few moments, noting the obvious similarities between them. “It can’t be.” He whispered, tears forming in his eyes. “ReeRee?”

Remus ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cliffhanger? Yes. 
> 
> Why? Because I can!
> 
> Stay tuned for tomorrow's chapter: The Confrontation!


	20. The Confrontation

“REMUS! WAIT!” Virgil shouted, running after him. It took a lot of restraint for Janus to not immediately follow. He turned to Talyn, who looked extremely confused (not that Janus blamed them).

“Talyn, please escort the other two… guests to my room once they’ve exited the bathroom.” He turned to Roman. “Follow me.” He began speed walking in the direction Remus had run, not stopping to wait for Roman. Sure enough, Roman ran after him, soon speed walking right next to him. Janus ignored him for the moment, heading in a specific direction. Even though Remus liked to say otherwise, he was extremely predictable for Janus. Whenever Remus was trying to avoid people, he would try and lose them in the East Wing before hiding in the boiler room, which was located in the West Wing. Virgil never knew where Remus hid (mostly because Remus was usually running after pranking Virgil, so Virgil would give chase until he gave up and went to give up) but Janus had discovered his hiding spot the first time they performed here. He had never brought it up, simply because he had no reason to. Now, it would prove useful. As he headed to the boiler room, Roman spoke up.

“So,” Janus forced himself to not flinch; he’d forgotten that Roman was there. “Ree didn’t give a very good explanation. Did you know who she-”

“He.” Janus cut in, never breaking his stride. “He left because your parents didn’t accept him as their son. Virgil and I met him when he was 18. Before now, he assumed you were a transphobe and homophobe, just like your parents.” He let his tone grow emotionless. “I assume that’s not the case?”

Roman shook his head. “I stopped believing what my parents told me the day Ree left. I didn’t even realize how much I depended on her- him- fuck. It’s gonna take a minute to break that habit.”

Soon enough, they reached the boiler room, and just in the nick of time. Janus and Roman walked up to the door just as Virgil ran down the hallway, tears in his eyes. “I lost him. I’ve searched everywhere and-” Janus raised his hand, shutting Virgil up. He gestured towards the boiler room. Virgil’s eyes lit up as he approached the door. He pushed open the door without knocking, knowing that Remus would try and hide if he knocked.

The room was large, filled with different machines and pipes. Remus sat in the corner, his knees pressed to his chest, tears streaming down his face. Roman whimpered, “Oh, ReeRee.” Remus’ eyes shot up to meet Roman’s, and he instinctively curled in on himself. Roman whimpered again, and Janus spoke up.

“I believe it would be best if Anxiety stayed to act as mediator. I will go check on our other guests.” With that, Janus turned on his heel and walked out. While Janus wanted nothing more than to stay and comfort Remus, he knew that he was too overprotective to stay. The twins needed to get this off their chests without interruption, and Janus knew he would snap at Roman the second he said something that could offend Remus. Virgil had always been good at keeping silent when necessary, and Janus trusted him to stop them if things got too... intense.

Janus hurried back to his room, where he found Talyn, Patton and Logan. Patton shot up off the couch and started asking about Roman and Remus. Logan stared at Janus like he was a puzzle he was trying to solve. Even with the heavy makeup on his face, Janus had never felt more exposed. Logan suddenly scowled at Janus, as if he was the bane of Logan’s existence. Before Janus could process what  _ that  _ meant, the scowl was gone, and Logan had his hand on Patton’s shoulder.

“I’m sure they’re fine.” Logan assured him, rubbing small circles into his shoulders. Patton turned into putty in his hands. “ _ Deceit  _ wouldn’t have left Roman unattended if the situation wasn’t fully under control.” If Talyn or Patton noticed the ice in Logan’s tone when he said Deceit, they didn’t show it. Janus quickly put up a mask of cool indifference.

_ “Yess.”  _ Deceit practically hissed out. “I left Anxiety to act as a mediator. Your boyfriend will be fine.” Deceit hoped that they’d be fine. Lying to Virgil’s crushes didn’t seem like a good idea.

Logan suddenly spun Patton around so he was facing Logan. “Why don’t you and Talyn go and get the Uno cards out of the car? I suspect that it might be a while before they’ve finished talking.” Deceit had a feeling that Logan just wanted the two of them alone.

“Alright, Lolo!” Patton said, giving Logan a quick kiss before grabbing Talyn’s hand. “C’mon, Kiddo! I’ve got a tupperware of snickerdoodles in the car that I think you’ll love!” With that, they were gone.

Logan immediately turned on Deceit, his face showing no emotion. “Was he ever going to tell us?”

Deceit walked to the corner of the room, where a bottle of scotch sat. He poured two glasses. “I have absolutely no idea as to what you are referring to.” He held out the glass, hoping that the subtle shaking of his hand didn’t give him away.

Logan scoffed, grabbing the glass and drinking it in one go. He winced at the burning sensation. “C’mon,  _ Janus,  _ don’t play coy with me.”

Janus sighed, taking a small sip before sitting on the sofa. “As far as I’m aware, he was planning on showing up on the 20th in his favorite hoodie. I believe Patton made it for him? If that didn’t give it away, I don’t know  _ what  _ would.” He took another sip. “I was hoping you would figure it out the day I gave you that CD. I mean, why would  _ I  _ of all people give you it? And before you ask, that was the same day Virgil realized that the three people he was flirting with were you three. Before that, he had used the sickeningly sweet  _ nicknames.” _

Logan sighed, slouching in a way that looked almost painful. “I don’t know what to think anymore. While I understand why he would keep  _ this,”  _ he gestured around vaguely, “it still feels like he… betrayed us.” He laughed harshly. “And here I was, feeling awful for having feelings for both Anxiety and Virgil,  _ when they’re the same person!”  _ He laughed again, but this time he didn’t stop. Tears started streaming down his face. “And the worst part is,  _ I still love him!  _ I should feel angry, and want nothing to do with him,  _ but I don’t!  _ I want to hold him, and kiss him, and reassure him that this won’t change my opinion of him.  _ I want to love him like I pray he loves me!”  _ He started sobbing by this point, and Janus quickly pulled him into a hug. They sat there for several minutes, his sobs being the only sound in the quiet room. When he was done, Janus silently offered the rest of his glass. Logan turned it down, opting instead to curl his knees up to his chest, rocking slowly back and forth.

Janus sighed, downing the rest of his scotch. “While I cannot speak for Virgil, I believe in what I told you the first time we met:  Virgil has no intention of ever harming you. He deeply cares about the three of you, enough to be willing to share some of his most secretive parts of himself. He’s constantly talking about at least one of you. And he would do anything to make the three of you happy. There’s no object too valuable, no request too obscene. He would give you three the world if he could.” Janus sighed. “But he’s scared. Remus and I have been Virgil’s only family. We kept this a secret so that our relatives never found out. Up until now, Remus believed that all of his relatives were transphobic and homophobic assholes. And my family has never been known for their kindness.” His hand went to touch his makeup, where his scar lied underneath. “Virgil has kept us safe for so long, and he didn’t want to throw it away to a bunch of  _ strangers.  _ But soon it stopped being fear of you exposing us. Now it’s fear of you rejecting Virgil for keeping this a secret.”

Logan sighed, his legs slowly lowering to touch the ground. “I understand, but it’s still so…”

“Much?” Logan nodded. “Then I advise you to go home and think about it. Virgil is still planning on revealing himself to you in 3 days. Until then, use this time to let it fully sink in. Don’t tell Virgil that you know; he needs to tell you on his own.”

Before they could say anything else, there was a knock on the door. “We’re back!” Patton popped in with a large container of snickerdoodles. Talyn tagged along with a large pack of Uno cards. “Now let’s play!”

Janus smiled at Patton, moving to sit on the floor. He saw Logan do the same. Janus internally sighed. He hoped that the twins resolved their issues soon. For everyone’s sake.

* * *

Virgil sighed, taking in the sight. Remus sat still, his back facing Roman. Roman stood there, apparently unable to speak. Virgil decided to speak up. “Would it be easier if I explain the situation, so that way everyone’s on the same page?” Remus flinched but didn’t object. Roman nodded helplessly. “Alright. Here’s what I know: Remus realized that he was a guy in late Middle School/early High School. He started portraying himself in a more masculine way, such as attempting to join the football team and getting a more masculine haircut. Your parents are transphobic assholes, so they belittled Remus for acting similar to Roman. Roman’s desire to please your parents combined with his low self-esteem caused him to believe that acting like  _ Roman  _ was the issue, not acting masculine. On the night that Remus was going to come out to Roman, all of Roman’s insecurities boiled over and he snapped at Remus. Once he realized that he had gone too far, Roman decided to go away and cool off. But it was too late. Remus came out to your parents and they kicked him out. So, Remus ran away. Remus found me and Deceit and we formed  _ The Dark Sides.  _ Roman, not knowing that Remus had transitioned and believing that  _ he  _ was the reason that Remus left, started acting out against his parents. He broke up with his girlfriend, got together with Patton and Logan, and moved away as soon as he graduated. Any questions?”

They stood there in silence for several minutes. Virgil started to feel uncomfortable. Did it usually take this long to process information? Or maybe they were using that freaky twin thing where you can communicate without speaking?

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Roman said, his voice cracking slightly.

Remus’ eyes snapped up to meet Roman’s. “What?”

“Why didn’t you  _ tell me?”  _ Roman asked again, anger lacing his words. “I was your  _ brother!  _ I wouldn’t reject you just because-”

_ “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!”  _ Remus screamed. “You blew up in my face because I was starting to look and act like you! How was I supposed to say, ‘yeah, I also wanna have the same gender as you too!’ You wanted  _ nothing  _ more than to believe those  _ assholes  _ that you called our parents! Can you honestly say that you wouldn’t have agreed with them, if only to be put back into their good graces?” Roman remained silent. “I thought so.” Remus spat out, standing up. “Look, I’m glad that you’re finally out from under their thumbs, I really am. But VeeVee and J are my family now. They have been for years. And I’m not gonna abandon them just because you want your  _ perfect little sister back-” _

_ “BUT I DON’T!”  _ Now Roman was the one screaming. “I don’t want some facade of a perfect sister! I want  _ ReeRee  _ back! The one that helped me face my fears. The one that held me during thunderstorms and teased me when I did something stupid. I want the person who promised that they’ll always catch me. And if that person’s now my brother, then so be it.” He took a step forward. “You can use whatever name or pronouns you want, that doesn’t change who you are. And you’re  _ my twin. My family. And I will burn this place to the ground before I lose you again.” _

They were both sobbing now, and Roman opened his arms in silent invitation. Remus ran towards him, burying his head into Roman’s chest. They stood there for several minutes, the sounds of their sobs being the only sounds in the room. Once they both stopped crying, Virgil spoke up.

“I know a lot has just happened in the past 30 minutes.” They both jumped, probably forgetting that Virgil was there. “But I think it would be best if the two of you give each other some space. Go home, get some rest, and think about what this means moving on. Why don’t you guys exchange phone numbers so you can talk later?” They nodded. “Good. You both have quite a bit of information to process. You both can have a much more in-depth conversation once you’ve both calmed down.” He opened the door, leading both of them to Janus’ room. While this wasn’t the scenario that Virgil envisioned, it wasn’t the worst one either. Hopefully the twins could fully reconcile with one another. Goodness knows the two needed it.


	21. So They DO Have Brain Cells

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I am both extremely happy and extremely upset. In one hand, this fic now has over 5000 hits, almost 400 Kudos, and over 50 bookmarks. I am extremely grateful to everyone who has read this fic, and I hope you enjoy this chapter! On the other hand, you know how I said I had heavy dental work done last week? Well I somehow managed to break a tooth last night while brushing my teeth (don't ask me how, I don't know either). So now I'm in a world of pain as I try and schedule another dentist appointment. I hope your day is going better than mine.  
> Now, I've mentioned this in the comments, but I'm going to put it here. If all goes to plan, tomorrow's chapter will be the last chapter of this series. Since chapter 1, I wanted this fic to end on the reveal, and I am sticking to that idea. However, there are still quite a few ideas and plot points that I want to write for this series, so I am contemplating a sequel series. Would anyone be interested?
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Roman sighed, rolling over in bed. It was the night after the concert, and a lot of things had happened since then. He’d found his brother- and wasn’t that weird thing to say. His _brother._ While it certainly made a lot of sense, it was still quite shocking to think about. His mind went back to his conversation with ReeRee. How he was too afraid to come out to Roman. How he thought that Roman would force him away from VeeVee and J- Wait a minute. What?

 _“Look, I’m glad that you’re finally out from under their thumbs, I really am. But VeeVee and J are my family now. They have been for years. And I’m not gonna abandon them just because you want your perfect little sister back-”_ Remus had said that VeeVee and J was his family. He was obviously referring to Anxiety and Deceit. But why did those names sound so familiar? Roman’s faced scrunched up as he tried to remember. _VeeVee and J. VeeVee and J and Re-_

Roman suddenly shot up, his hand going to his phone. He quickly scrolled through his texts until he saw what he was looking for. It was a text from around a month ago.

_V- (6:24 PM) Yeah, I’ve been running around all day. Ree got his foot stuck in the toilet again (don’t ask, he doesn’t know either) and J’s got a cold so he’s useless._

Roman’s eyes went wide as he scrolled further. Virgil almost always referred to his friends as Ree and J. Surely it had to be a coincidence…

Roman scrolled until he reached the first day that Virgil was in the group chat. He had shown them his drawing of him and his friends in dresses.

_V- (12:54 PM) Yeah. My friend Remus (the one on the right) felt bad for wanting to wear a dress so me and Janus (the one on the left) went dress shopping with him._

Remus, Janus, and Virgil are friends. Remus is The Duke. Remus, Janus, and Virgil are members of _The Dark Sides._ Anxiety made witty jokes and punny nicknames, just like Virgil-

“ANXIETY IS VIRGIL!” Roman screamed, the truth hitting him like a brick. Patton and Logan woke up, searching the area for danger. When they saw none, Logan turned to look at Roman.

“Roman, what in the-” He didn’t get to finish before Roman grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him back and forth.

“VIRGIL IS ANXIETY!” It took Logan a second to register what Roman was screaming, but he eventually sighed.

“So, you figured it out too?” Logan asked, gently prying Roman’s fingers away.

Roman stared at him, his mouth open like a gaping fish. “What? How did _you_ figure it out?”

“Logan huffed, grabbing his glasses off of the nightstand. “I knew that Virgil had been keeping some kind of secret, specifically about his source of income. After that, it was just a multitude of things adding up today. Janus had actually given me the CD, which is how I knew who Anxiety was. It would make sense that he would be a member of _The Dark Sides._ Your brother’s name is Remus, who is both Virgil’s friend and The Duke. Once you focus on his face, Deceit and Janus look extremely similar. This left Virgil as Anxiety.” Logan grabbed his phone, wincing at the time displayed. “It certainly helped when Janus called Anxiety Virgil during your argument with Remus.”

Roman turned to Patton, because he was too mindblown to process _that._ “Honeybee, did _you_ know about this?”

Patton sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “In all honesty, I’ve known since Valentine’s Day.”

Now it was Logan’s turn to be shocked. _“What?”_

Patton giggled. “Well, it was a little weird for Virgil to just hand out our address to Anxiety, so he was probably somebody really close to him. Virgil’s never spoken up when we talk about family, so I assumed that he didn’t have any or he didn’t like his family, so they probably weren’t related. The only friends that Virgil talked about were Remus and Janus, so Anxiety was probably one of them. He looked really happy when I put the drawing up on the mantle, but I couldn’t figure out why. Then he made a muffin pun while we were in the kitchen and it just… clicked.” He fiddled with the blanket. “It made sense. Why he didn’t want to tell us his real job, why he had a ton of money, and why Anxiety had seemed more uncomfortable around me after I sent Virgil that photo of us. He probably didn’t realize that we were… well, _us,_ until the day we realized that he was Anxiety.”

They all sat there for a few minutes before Roman grabbed his phone, dialing the most recent number.

* * *

_“Drugs, gimme drugs, gimme drugs_

_I don't need it, but I'll sell what you got_

_Take the cash and I'll keep it_

_Eight legs to the wall”_

Remus groaned, waking up to his ringtone. He checked the caller ID before answering. “Hey Roro, I know I said you could call me anytime, but I wasn’t expecting you to call at 2 in the morning-”

 _“Virgil is Anxiety and you didn’t tell me!”_ Remus giggled at Roman’s response. He quickly turned to where Janus was sleeping. He shook him awake.

“Wha-” Janus groaned, his eyes not opening. “Remus, Darling, why are you shaking me?”

Remus giggled. “They figured it out.”

Janus snorted. _“Fucking finally._ I knew that Logan figured it out, but it’s nice to know that the others have brain cells too.”

Remus turned back to the phone. “Well, now you know. Virgey’s gonna spill on the 20th, and he has really bad confidence issues, so let him confess on his own terms. After that, we can all call him a dumbass for waiting this long to tell you guys.” He paused, twirling his mustache thoughtfully. “Speaking of Virgil, what are you going to do now that you know he’s Anxiety.” There was silence on the other side. “Hello?”

_“Shit. What are we gonna do?”_

“Hopefully you won’t do something stupid. Now, I’m going back to sleep. Good luck, little bro.” With that Remus hung up. He snuggled up to the love of his life before letting sleep claim him once more.


	22. Picnics and Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry this chapter took so long. They managed to fix my tooth today (dentists are awesome!), and I wanted to make sure I did this chapter justice.
> 
> So, we've reached the end. Sure, I have a sequel series planned to start on Saturday. But the original story of Wrong Numbers and Useless Gays ends here. I would like to thank everyone who's followed me on this incredible journey. I hope you enjoy the final chapter.
> 
> While I'm here, I would like to ask a question. While I enjoyed releasing a chapter every day, I might not have time to do that in the future. I don't know what I'm going to include in the sequel series, and I don't want to experience burnout. That being said, would you guys be interested in other Sanders Sides related works? It might take a little bit longer to post chapters for Useless Gays, but it could keep you guys occupied while I come up with more ideas for this series.

_“She smiled and she said_

_on days like this_

_it seems like it never rains”_ Remus sang, getting out of the car. He skipped around to the passenger seat, opening the door and holding his arm out.

 _“But without the rain, we’d starve.”_ Janus duetted, grabbing Remus’ arm as he got out. They walked up the driveway, softly singing one of Remus’ favorite songs. Before Janus could even knock, the front door swung open to reveal Virgil. He was a wreck; there were dark circles under his eyes, and his hair looked like a rat’s nest. His eyes were wide and panicked as he led them inside.

“You’re late!” Virgil hissed out, slamming the door shut behind them. The house was a mess. The kitchen sink was overflowing with dirty pots and pans that they _knew_ weren’t there yesterday. The coffee maker was on (a rare sight these days) and there were several towels lying about, presumably cleaning coffee spills if the dark brown liquid was any indication. There was a large picnic basket in the living room, along with a large pile of makeup products.

“Your date doesn’t start until 3, right?” Remus asked, raising an eyebrow at the messes. It was very un-Virgil-like to be messy. While Remus was used to cleaning up from a young age (*cough* shitty parenting *cough*), it was Virgil who actually _wanted_ a clean house (sure, Janus did too, but he had _no_ cooking or cleaning experience before he met Virgil). Virgil must be _really_ stressed out if he didn’t subconsciously clean up after himself.

“Yeah, but I’ve got an errand to run beforehand.” Virgil replied, leading them to his room. There were clothes strewn about everywhere, but his bed was neatly made. His clock read 10:22 AM. Janus scowled at the clock. How long had Virgil been up?

“You seem to be taking this quite seriously.” Janus commented, moving some of the clothes so he could sit on the edge of the bed. “Almost as if this was-”

Remus gasped, bouncing on the tips of his toes. “A DATE! Is this a date?”

Virgil sighed, grabbing a fistful of his own hair. “I don’t know! Maybe?” He started pacing around the room. “What if they don’t see this as a date and I show up in something too formal? What if they DO see this as a date and I show up in something too casual? God, what if this is a date and I blow it? What if they see me and get angry that I lied to them and they hate me and-”

“Virgil, breathe.” Janus said, gesturing over to Remus. Remus walked over to Virgil and grabbed him by the shoulders, which forced him to stop pacing. Virgil stood there for a second, his eyes wide and unfocused. “Breathe in for four, hold for seven, out for eight. You’re doing so well, Virgil.” Janus instructed, praising Virgil when he started following the breathing exercise. It took several minutes for Virgil to calm down.

“Thanks, guys.” Virgil finally said, flopping down on the bed next to Janus. “I’m gonna screw this up.”

“No, you won’t.” Janus said, carding his fingers through Virgil’s hair. He immediately leaned into the touch. Remus bounced his way over to the closet.

“And even if you do, they won’t judge you for it.” Remus said cheerfully, sorting through Virgil’s clothes. “Roro’s dating Craft and Morales, right?”

“Logan Croft and Patton Morale.” Virgil corrected him, still relaxed in Janus’ hold.

“Whatever,” Remus replied, still sifting through Virgil’s clothes. “I may have left before the three of them got together, but I remember them being friends. Other than Ro and Lo’s ‘spats’ I’ve never seen the three of them be mean on purpose.”

“What about your fight with Ro outside the bathroom? And his argument with me when I met him?” Virgil asked, closing his eyes.

“I started that argument with Ro. And he thought that you groped him, so he’s not really at fault.” Remus sighed. “Look, I’m not gonna promise you that nothin’ll go wrong. But, I know those three, from both my high school years and your interactions with them. Worst case scenario, they ask you to stop flirting with ‘em and you remain friends. Best case scenario,” Remus turned around, holding the perfect outfit for Virgil. “You get yourself three hunkin’ pieces of man meat.”

Virgil blushed, getting up and grabbing the outfit. It was a black v-neck t-shirt and black skinny jeans, both skin-tight. Virgil grabbed those along with his jacket that Patton made him for Christmas, and went to the bathroom to change.

Remus turned to look at Janus. “Bet you he ends up sleeping with them tonight.”

Janus tilted his head. “How much?”

Remus grinned, holding out his hand. “If you win, I’ll never complain about that stupid rug again. If I win, the rug goes.”

Janus thought for a moment before smiling, taking Remus’ hand. “Deal.” He pulled Remus in so that he was straddling Janus, their lips meeting in a heated kiss.

“Ew, gross. You’re in my room guys.” The two gays turned to see Virgil standing in the doorway. Remus whistled. Virgil sighed, gesturing to the living room. “C’mon, I need help with my hair and makeup.”

* * *

Virgil stepped into the confectionery, smiling at the pleasant chime that the door made. It was weird; even though Virgil had bought almost every item here at least once, he’s never actually entered the store until now. He heard someone up at the counter and walked over. He was pleasantly surprised to recognize the person’s voice.

“Hello, welcome to the Chocolate Plaza, how may I- HOLY SHMOKES YOU’RE ANXIETY!” Joan yelled, obviously recognizing Virgil’s persona. Virgil smirked. Maybe telling Joan can help Virgil prepare himself for telling his crushes.

“Hey Joan, I’ve got three boxes under the name ‘Storm.’” Virgil said, leaning onto the counter. His smirk widened when Joan recognized his voice.

“Virgil? You’re Anxiety?” At Virgil’s nod, their face lit up. “I was wondering why you never wanted to pick up your chocolate! So, what’s the occasion, Mr. Rockstar?”

Virgil laughed, pulling out his wallet. “I’m finally telling my crushes that I’m Anxiety. Y’know, the people I’ve been shipping these chocolates to.”

Joan went to grab the boxes of chocolate, yelling out behind them. “So you’ve spent hundreds of dollars worth of chocolate on them and they’ve never seen your face before?”

“Not as Virgil.” He yelled back, a blush of embarrassment forming on his face.

Joan laughed. “You’ve fallen for them _hard,_ haven’t you?” They laughed when Virgil blushed harder. “Well, I hope you don’t need these apology chocolates, but here they are anyways.” Virgil’s blush didn’t fade as he paid for the chocolates and left.

* * *

Virgil sighed as he made his way to Waverly Park. It was 2:30 now, and the park was about 15 minutes away. He’d still be early, but not as early as he wanted to be. Just as he adjusted the basket in his hands he felt something his nose. He stopped to wipe his nose when something else hit his cheek. It took Virgil a moment to figure out what it was: water.

It was raining.

Virgil groaned, but he kept walking. Hopefully, it would only sprinkle and go away soon. The weather forecast didn’t say anything about rain. Why did it have to rain now?

Unfortunately, the rain did not cease. Within minutes, the rain started to pour, and soon Virgil was soaked to the bone. He shivered as he weighed his options. It would be at least 10 minutes before Remus or Janus could pick him up, and even if he got to the park, there would be nowhere to shelter them from the rain. Virgil felt tears start to form in his eyes. He’d planned everything down to the letter, but like always it somehow managed to go horribly wrong. He looked up at the street name, ready to text it to Janus, when he recognized it. He turned around, squinting through the rain before he saw what he was looking for.

Patton, Logan, and Roman’s house. Without really thinking of the consequences, Virgil ran.

* * *

Patton sighed, hanging up his coat. He and his boyfriends had just gotten ready for their date (was it a date? He hoped it was) with Virgil when it started to rain. He grabbed his phone, ready to cancel his plans. Maybe they could go out tomorrow? Patton wasn’t sure if he could wait that long.

_Knock Knock Knock_

“Coming!” Patton called out, hurrying to the door. Who in their right mind would be walking around in this storm? When he opened the door he was surprised by what he saw.

“Hey, Pat.” Virgil whimpered out, tremors shaking his entire frame. His oversized jacket (the one Patton made for him!) hung off of him, dripping slightly. His hair was pressed against his forehead, and his makeup had smeared down his face. He looked like he was about to fall over-and he was still carrying that basket, the poor thing!

“Aw, sweety,” Patton murmured, taking his basket and jacket. He led Virgil to the sofa, wrapping him up in the nearest blanket (Logan’s space-themed comforter that he’d left there last night). “I’m gonna head upstairs real quickly, okay kiddo?” At Virgil’s nod, he made his way upstairs. He passed by Roman and Logan, who were changing into more comfortable clothes. “Lo, please go turn up the thermostat. And Ro, can you go grab some of your comfy clothes? Virgil’s closest to your size.” When they just paused and looked at him, he explained himself. “Virgil’s downstairs. He was probably on his way to the park. The poor fella, he’s soaked to the bone. He might have hypothermia.”

“Well, that won’t do at all!” Roman said, turning to grab some clothes. “We mustn’t let our future love freeze to death!”

“Future love IF he says yes,” Logan remarked, heading downstairs to change the thermometer. Patton smiled, heading to their room to grab spare blankets.

Logan saw Virgil downstairs and smiled. “It’s nice to see you again, though I wish it could be under… _better_ circumstances.” Virgil nodded, and Logan noticed that he was still crying. As soon as he turned the temperature up, Logan moved to sit next to Virgil. He wrapped his arm around Virgil, happy to see that he wasn’t shivering as much.

Roman and Patton headed down soon after, carrying spare clothes and blankets. “We have arrived!” Roman called out, making Patton giggle. “And we’ve brought gifts!” Virgil started crying harder. Roman noticed and moved to kneel in front of him. Patton sat on Virgil’s other side. “What’s wrong?” Roman asked, catching himself before he called Virgil ‘storm cloud.’

Virgil struggled to talk through his tears. “T-today w-was supposed t-to be p-perfect.” He stammered out. “I w-wanted to have a p-picnic, and I’d t-tell you that I was A-Anxiety, and I’d g-give you chocolates- and-” He gasped, nearly choking on his own tears.

Roman grabbed Virgil’s hands, gently messaging them. “Breathe, Storm Cloud, it’s okay. Today _is_ perfect. You’re here, we’ve still got the picnic and chocolates, and just seeing you makes me _so_ happy-” Before Roman could continue, someone kissed him quiet. Roman was used to this; it was something they all tended to do when one of them rambled for too long. Something was different, however. It took a moment for Roman to figure out what it was.

 _Virgil_ was kissing him.

Before Roman could process _that,_ Virgil suddenly pulled away. “I’m sorry.” Virgil said quickly, looking down. He moved to pull away some more. Well, that wouldn’t do at all. 

Roman surged upwards, lips meeting Virgil’s. He tried to convey all of his emotions into this kiss. All of his love, insecurity, adoration, and desperation. It felt like an inferno was igniting within him. He sighed as they separated a second time, this time for air. Roman looked Virgil in the eye. “Don’t you _dare_ feel sorry.” Roman panted out. “You mean the world to me.”

Virgil sat there, completely still. Whether it was because of the kiss or because of what Roman said, Virgil couldn’t tell. “But I lied to you for almost a year! I didn’t tell you that I was Anxiety! I don’t deserve you guys!” He felt a hand grab his jaw and he let it turn his head. He was now looking Patton dead in the eye.

Patton glared at him. “Virgil Storm, don’t you _dare_ start talking bad about yourself!” He said sternly. His gaze softened slightly. “Besides,” He pressed a kiss to Virgil’s nose, forehead, cheeks, and finally his lips. “We already realized that you were Anxiety, Virgil.”

Virgil’s eyes widened with every kiss, and he started gaping once Patton finished talking. “Really?” He felt another hand on his cheek, and he let it guide him. He was now facing Logan, who had a very tender expression on his face.

“While Patton has known since Valentine’s Day, Roman and I discovered it the day of the concert. However, this does not change our opinion of you.” He reached to cup Virgil’s cheekbone. “Virgil, you are funny, clever, talented, and an all-around amazing individual. We are all in love with you, and would like to in a relationship with you. Will you do us the honor of joining our relationship?” Logan asked, stars in his eyes.

Virgil nodded, pressing his lips to Logans. “Yes, yes, yes” He said between kisses. He smiled, tears forming in his eyes as he kissed Logan. He could barely get his head around that. He just kissed Roman and Patton, and now he’s kissing Logan! It was a dream come true and he couldn’t stop crying.

Logan suddenly pulled back, wiping away Virgil’s tears. “Let’s get you out of those wet clothes. Then we can eat and watch a movie. Does that sound satisfactory?”

Virgil nodded, his smile never fading. “I love you guys, _so much.”_

Logan smiled back. “And we love you.”


End file.
